Saturday, August 27, 2016
Friday, August 28, 2015
The crib and dresser have been delivered and set up, but there is still a TON to do before she arrives! Just about 6-7 weeks to go, eeek! Here's the latest belly pics, already two weeks ago, wow!
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Saturday, May 16, 2015
We also had another big event last week- Ally turned 5 years old! I can hardly believe it. We celebrated with a trip to a nearby Great Wolf Lodge. All of the grandparents met us there, much to Ally's surprise :) It was especially awesome to have everyone there because J is away for work, and as my dad said "it's a good thing she has three grandpas worth of energy!" LOL, yes she is that energetic! We defintely had a lot of fun, and Ally did not want to leave. Not surprisingly, J now wants us to go again when he gets back- I know he feels like he missed out and wants to do something special with her while she is still our only "baby."
Ally has seemed to have taken to the idea of the Baby, and tells people that she is going to be a big sister. She asks when the baby will be ready to come out :) Today she sang to my belly and it was the sweetest thing- melt my heart!
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Saturday, April 18, 2015
Anyhow, baby was curled up pretty cozy, but I saw the heart beating right away and he/she moved a little bit. At least I remember his/her arm waving around a bit. The tech took a couple of heart ratings, I don't know why she took so many. The first was 170bpm, another 161bpm and the one she printed for me says 153bpm... Good rates I think, I just don't like that she had to check it so much. There was also a large mass that she seemed to have to maneuver around. It wasn't black so I'm pretty sure it wasn't the hematoma, but I'm not positive it was the placenta since I'm not that u/s savvy. I'm just going to hope it was the placenta and all looked good, though I won't know for sure until my appt with the doc on Tuesday. Fingers crossed...
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Anyhoo, I made it to 11dpo and I took a digital hpt, and it read "pregnant." On 13dpo I took a baseline CB digital with weeks estimator and it read "1-2weeks." I was able to get a beta at 14dpo and it was 116, a pretty good number in my book. My repeat was 488 at 17dpo, and I was relieved since if the number had been ambiguous I might have pulled my hair out. I kept begging the universe "please nothing ambiguous, let it either more than double or be falling. I want a black and white number, no grey!" Then my 2nd CB digital with weeks estimator read "3+weeks" a week earlier than I expected it to so I was pretty satistifed!
I had my first u/s last Friday at 6w0d (adjusted for ovulation- another older egg on CD19). Luckily the embryo made it to the uterus (yahoo!) and I saw its flicker as soon as the sac was located on the screen :) Heart rate was 113, which the doc was happy with since it was still so early. The C-R measurements read 5w6d/6w0d/6w1d, which lined up exactly with dating. Another relief. However things took a turn when the tech went to my R ovary. This wasn't my first rodeo, so I knew immediately something did not look right. Huge black spaces that were measuring 7/8/9cms. I have never seen such huge cysts in my ovary before, and there were a few of them. I knew I was right to be concerned when she went to my L ovary and it looked normal, with nothing measuring over 2cms. I love getting that sinking feeling in my gut. I met with my doc, another Dr. S, and he felt great about everything baby-wise, except oh wait, there was a subchorionic hematoma. Fun! Oh and those large cysts, which could cause torsion with extreme pain and immediate surgery. Lovely! All kinds of awesome news! So no sex, exercise or strenuous activity until my u/s next week.
Can nothing be simple? Seriously? It feels like a joke. Baby looked great, it made it to the right spot and seemed to be thriving, but I don't get to enjoy that because I have two new big worries. I refuse to google the hematoma because I know enough to be worried and I don't need to read the horror stories. Same for the cysts. I'm keeping tabs on every twinge and ache on my R side. Urrrrrgggghhhh. I could scream!! I'm trying to be optimistic, I really am. I have few to no symptoms, but I'm still hopeful. Especially given that this all reminiscent of what happened a year nearly to the day with the Turner's baby last February. We had doubling betas and a good 6w u/s with her, but everything still fell apart. There are no guarantees for us, but I'm really hoping for a happy ending this time...
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Since I last posted:
1) I wrapped up my last school year teaching for the foreseeable future. I am so glad I went back last year for many reasons- mostly for my sanity, but it was eye opening being a teacher now that I am a parent. I have a refreshed outlook on being a SAHM, and have decided to homeschool given my renewed perspective on the educational system. Also, teaching/working and trying to be mom/wife was much harder than I thought it would be, even under the best possible circumstances. I also know myself a bit better and what I need as a SAHM. All good things.
2) We've moved across the country again (got to love the military!), and while I wouldn't choose to live in this part of the country voluntarily, we are a bit closer to family, and in the same time zone :) I have made a few friends through a Bunco group and a book club, so I feel lucky for that. The house is still not settled, but we're getting there, and since we just found out we're probably not moving again this summer it feels like we can make ourselves at home a bit more. We also very much like the neighborhood and general area of where we live.
3) I met with a new OBGYN here and had my chromosomes tested- everything came back "normal" for me. Yet, we had another chemical pregnancy around Thanksgiving. J had his test done before Xmas so we're still waiting to hear back. We do have a referral to see an RE, but since our insurance doesn't cover much of anything I'm not sure what our next steps will be. If J's test comes back "normal" then maybe we'll go in for a consult to see if there is a more complete/advanced genetics test we should have done. If it comes back "abnormal" I guess we'll go in to see what everything would entail and cost... (Update: J's genetic tests did come back normal, and I had an appt with the RE set but cancelled it since everything looked OK at the 6w u/s a few days prior)
Overall, I feel like everyday I'm more resigned to the fact that Ally will be an only child. A lot of the time I'm okay with that because it's easier. Easier financially since there will be no ART, and since the military is downsizing J's job is less secure. I'm also thinking it's mentally and physically easier to only have one. There are MANY days I think "how do people do this with more than one kid?!?" I can't even imagine being more worn-down or pulled in more directions than I already am. I'd probably be even more crazed and out of my mind! Then I have moments where the grief of it all just washes over me... and to think that there will not be another baby, that Ally will not have a sibling is just heartbreaking. Then I think, "well even if there was a sibling it doesn't mean that they'd get along or even like each other." I love my biological brother and my stepbrothers, but we're not particularly close. We really only talk when we see each other at the holidays. Maybe if we lived closer to one another, but I don't know, we're so different. Plus the age difference is getting wider and wider between Ally and any potential sibling. Every other vision I've had in my head about being an adult, being married, being a mom has been blown to bits, so it would probably be the same with my visions of a wonderful sibling relationship. Emotionally it's easier because hopefully then I/we can move past the losses and be free of it all. No more tracking ovulation, looking for any little symptoms, no more POAS. No more getting our hopes up- or feeling guilty that when I see those faint BFPs I think "oh geez, what's gonna happen this time? PLEASE don't be ectopic, please just be chemical. I really can't deal with an ectopic right now." No more comparing HPTs to each other day after day trying to analyze if the line is darker or not (PS: I have decided I'm only using digitals no earlier than 14dpo from now on... we'll see how I do with that). I know J wants another, and I do too but not like this. Not by possibly going broke trying, not with the heartbreak of more failure. I'd want at least two more if it were "easy" but for some reason that's not our path so I'm kinda done. I wish I could just close my eyes and will into being a healthy baby but I can't...
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Adding to the fun was the chemical pregnancy I had in April. Yes, you read that right. I was waiting on my period after the D&C, so I tested on a hunch. Sure enough, it was a BFP. The betas caught that is was a chemical pregnancy really early, but for a few days there, I thought "please let this be it, please let this be our healthy baby, please."
Turns out Ally truly is our real-life miracle. I'm thinking after two blighted ovum pregnancies, another with Turner's and then the chemical pregnancy, we are dealing with (major?) genetic issues, possibly a translocation issue. Which leads us to either keep trying and keep losing, or possibly have a child with an unbalanced translocation and the resulting effects, or... IVF with PGD. None of these secenarios are appealing.
And while I might be putting the cart before the horse, I am now mourning the thought that we really might only have one child. There really might not be anymore children. No sibling(s) for Ally. It will be just the three of us. No need for all the baby stuff we've been holding onto. No bringing home a teeny tiny bundle of new life. No nighttime feedings, first smiles, rolling over or crawls. No "mama" and "dada."
And I feel badly for Ally. It seems like a lot of (unintentional) pressure to be an only. It all rides on her. She's our only shot at this parenting thing. No sibling to help her bear her crazy parents :) To share secrets and holiday goodness with. She can't even "adopt" a sibling in the form of a friend because we move so much. It's a lonely life.
While I am eternally grateful for what we do have, I'm just so overwhelemed...
Saturday, March 22, 2014
We went in for our second u/s on February 20th. Baby should have measured 8w3d. Baby measured 8w1d (though I was actually kind of shocked that baby measured so far along because of my lack of symptoms), but the strong heartbeat from 2 weeks previous was gone. And I knew it. I just knew. And I cried. Bawled really, while my husband hugged me and Dr. S held my hand.
*okay, I am apparently not to the point where I can "talk" about it and not bawl... Two weeks later...
Dr. S talked to us about our options and then left us alone for a little bit. I already knew I could not mentally or physically go through another natural m/c so I opted, for the first time, to schedule a D&C. Then I went home, made up some sub plans, got into bed and cried for a few days. Dragged myself to work for a few days, made up more sub plans, had the D&C done on Feb 27th, and again went home, got into bed and cried for a few days.
Since then it has gotten easier day by day (though the day before the D&C life throw a cruel irony at me that I still can't believe and can't write about yet), though it will randomly hit me that I am no longer pregnant and that seems impossible. Then other times it feels like the whole thing was a dream and I was never pregnant. I'd say generally I'm just sad, but getting better.
This m/c seems different then the others too. I guess I am surprised by that. Though this is the first loss we have experienced that involved seeing a live baby, and it's different (just as I suppose my loss is different than a later term loss where you'd already have felt the baby move, know its gender, etc. I assume that would be much worse). I think one of the worst parts is just how bad our odds seem to be- 3%? We had a 3% chance of miscarrying, and sure enough we did. We are waiting on the genetic testing to come back from the D&C, though I actually don't think that is going to tell us anything. I can't explain why I think that, I just do.
J and I aren't sure what our next steps will be. Part of me wants to try right away and another part of me thinks my body is trying to tell me something and I need to figure out what that is before I get pregnant again. I don't know. I'm still processing it all.
PS: Summer baby's EDD was today.
Monday, February 17, 2014
I've tried not to be discouraged by the fact that the yolk sac measured about a week behind where I should have been. I've tried to be positive. I've tried to not even think about being pregnant- distancing myself maybe? The only symptom I have had with any regularity is sore breasts, and even that is not nearly as bad as with Ally. I had a sour stomach two or three times weeks ago, but expected the nausea to kick in around 7w like it did with Ally, but nothing. The heartburn/gas that tipped me off to POAS comes and goes. I've felt a cramp or two, but zero RLP. Not very encouraging. I sometimes wonder if I'm even making symptoms up here and there. I don't "feel" pregnant and that scares me. I am terrified for Thursday's u/s. Terrified.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
I would love to be excited and optimistic about this one, but I'm just not there yet. Hopefully after next week's appointment I can let some of those positive feelings into my consciousness. Until then, I'm happy but super reserved. In some ways it just doesn't feel real yet.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Monday, September 2, 2013
Friday, August 2, 2013
Also, a series of events led to my decision to go back to teaching, and I'm excited to be going back to my old school! I am thankful to have been home with Ally her first 3 years, but it feels like time for a change. It's sure to be a major transition, and I'm trying to prep myself, but I know it will be more difficult than I can imagine at the moment.
The other big news is that I got a BFP on 7/13. At 11dpo, it was a faint but clear positive- which J saw too :) I was pretty sure I ovulated in my R side (which has been confirmed), so I was immediately concerned about another ectopic. Since we'd just moved to the area I didn't have a doctor yet, but was lucky to find someone who saw me pretty much right away. A few other practices wanted to wait until I was 8weeks- to which I said "you're crazy- with my history I am NOT waiting that long." Anyways, I saw my new OBGyn, Dr. S, on Jul 24 where I fell in love with him because he immediately did an u/s and put a standing order for my beta hCG into the lab :) The u/s showed a small sac in the uterus. Which at just over 5 weeks, was all I was expecting- heck I just wanted to make sure it made it to the right spot! My beta that day was 1322- a respectable quant at just over 5weeks. However, my beta 48hrs later was only 1895. Whomp, whomp. So, Dr. S had me get another draw this past Tuesday- at apx 102hrs later my beta was 4000. A quant I described to J as enough to be encouraging, but not nearly enough to be reassuring.
Thankfully Dr. S had me go to the hospital for a thorough u/s, which I had today. Things did not appear to go well. The tech, K, was very nice, but of course didn't share much- other than I had very cooperative ovaries that she kept calling "show offs," which I guess is a good thing! K also didn't show me any images, and I've had enough of these done to know that is never a good sign. At 6.5 weeks along there should have been at least a flicker of a heartbeat, which I'm pretty sure K would have shared if she'd seen it. I did get K to tell me how far along the sac measured and she said just over 4weeks. Um, yeah that doesn't add up. And given my betas, it's looking like another blighted ovum pregnancy. Though to make things even more confusing, Dr. S called while I was writing this post and told me the report said I was measuring at 5weeks and the pregnancy looked viable- but it doesn't say WHY it looks viable. He asked if the tech showed me a heartbeat (I said "no"), because none is mentioned in the report- so he's as confused as I am! I remember getting a glimpse at the sac measuring 5w1d during the trans-abdominal portion of the u/s, but it was during the trans-vaginal portion that K said it was measuring at just over 4weeks. I also glimpsed quite a few "data out of range" messages on the screen while she was measuring- which makes sense if K inputed my info and I was suppose to be measuring at 6w6d (per my LMP). Another strange bit is that the report mentions I was bleeding a little, but I haven't detected that at all- and I've been checking! :) So where does this leave me? Dr. S said to take it easy and he'll do another u/s next Friday. Though I wouldn't be surprised if I start to m/c before then...
I am so sick of getting my hopes up, just to have them dashed down again.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
An ectopic is such a strange (for lack of a better term) way to "lose" a pregnancy in that your own health takes precedence. While logically you know there is no way an ectopic is viable, it is still the loss of what could have been. In such a short amount of time dreams were made, names were discussed (girl's name picked even). It was just enough time to get excited, and since we already have Ally it was easier to be optimistic right from the start; I kept thinking and telling J "our odds are good, we're 1:1." It sucks to have that optimism ripped away again, and our odds are even worse but for multiple reasons now.
The simple truth is, I'm sad about this loss and everything it means.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
The appt with the PA went well, she was kind of quick to brush off my concerns, but agreed to let me draw another beta, and also performed a full exam. I had told her I was having some left side/flank pain, and she was surprised to find a cyst on the left ovary. She was fairly certain it was just the corpus luteum from ovulation, but set up an u/s just to be sure. She was right and the cyst was gone when I had the u/s 4 days later. It was sort of odd that it was seemingly so late in my cycle to still have the cyst (CD 9), but it makes sense that my O date for the right side typically gets pushed back a few days compared to the left side. I had my beta drawn the same day as the u/s and my hCG was at 2. Apparently there is always some fluctuating 0-8ish amount of hCG floating around the (female?) system-interesting. I ovulated a few days later and am currently waiting to get my period. Though I'll probably POAS by Friday, just 'cause I'm a hpt glutton :)
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Since my last hCG quant in April was 3, I'm thinking maybe this was a chemical pregnancy? And it takes longer for urine to filter out the hCG than blood? A non-pregnant women doesn't produce hCG, unless she has certain cancers... awesome bit of information for a hypochondriac like me.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
We also just moved back to my hometown and are in the middle of changing insurance plans and finding docs- prefect timing to need a STAT beta! Luckily, I called the office I used to go to here and a nurse called me right back. After listening to my recent history she ordered a blood draw, which I'll get done when the lab opens in the morning- and which I'll probably be paying out of pocket for. Though I really don't care about the cost. I just need to know where we are at, and think positive, doubling thoughts over the next few days... I kind of hope I'm crazy, and they'll laugh me and my made-up HPT out of the office :)
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
I had so strongly convinced myself that I was pg last month I was actually hoping it wasn't true since I now fear another ectopic. Sounds ridiculous- not the fear part, I think that's pretty normal. I mean the crazy "you're pregnant," "but, no wait I'm scared and I don't want to be" thoughts. It was an interesting inner struggle.
The hypochondriac side of my brain thinks that maybe the ectopic happened for a reason, because there is something bigger and scarier going on with my health that has yet to be discovered. Yes, I'm a nutcase; I completely cop to that fact. The more rational side of my brain knows that the endo caused the ectopic, and that's it. The problem with this rationale is that my instincts are usually right, about 50% of the time :) So, I'm waiting on more than a BFP. I'm waiting to see if the strange pangs, tingles, lumps and bumps I experience throughout my body are a sign of something even bigger to overcome. Knowing my luck so far, we'll get pg just to find out it needs to be terminated since I'll need chemo or something.
Oh, how I wish I was naturally one of those positive, happy people. Life from that angle must be so nice...
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Speaking of possibly getting pregnant, J and I had a consult with an RE, Dr. K, this past Friday. After looking at our histories and doing the preliminary u/s, Dr. K suggested trying IUI first (I can't remember if he meant adding Clomid, etc too or natural), for a few cycles, then moving on to IVF, if we were so inclined. Or skipping IUI and going right to IVF since it yields better results. Typical RE response I suppose. Though he did seem conservative, in that as long as J's SA came back okay, trying 4-6 months naturally seemed like a good idea, then moving onto IUI. He also was very clear that IUIs are carefully monitored, and that they do not transfer more than 2 embryos during IVF, etc.
We are awaiting J's SA results (which have been varied in the past), and Dr. K wants me to repeat my Day 3 blood work, and get my progesterone level on Day 21 (which I don't think I've had done before). Dr. K also mentioned that everything looked good at my u/s and that I had lots of follicles, so that was reassuring. So, as long as J's results are pretty good, we're going to try naturally in July and Aug- maybe Sept if we're able to (since J may already be gone). Then we're thinking of going with IUI while he's away. If we don't get pregnant, then when he gets home we'll explore IVF. Though J seemed like he was ready to go ahead with IVF- I guess I'm not the only impatient one :) We have another consult with a different clinic on the 18th, though we might cancel it if we feel comfortable with this plan. Not sure what we're going to do yet...
And since I promised these months ago, a few shots of our adorable 2 year old!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
At my post surgery follow-up, Dr. E did a run-of-the-mill check of my metal and physical state, then reviewed the surgery pictures with me. Turns out that "something" Dr. E mentioned to J about my ovary is Endometriosis. Probably Stage 3-4 Endo. While it could still impede my fertility, it looks confined to the right side (ovary, outer uterus, the tube that ruptured). There is quite a bit of scarring, and so far the intestines are not adhered to the ovary, but they're "sticking" together a bit. Luckily the liver didn't appear to be involved. I don't remember exactly everything Dr. E said, and since she wasn't in there to do a lot of exploring she just has a basic idea of the situation. I'm thinking it is more Stage 4 considering the rectal pain I have during ovulation and menstruation. We're going to leave well enough alone at this point, and feel that the endo explains the blockage (and also why right side ovulation is more painful for me). However, I am going to see a couple of REs to get some opinions on what our next steps might be.
I also asked Dr. E what she think happened- why did it keep growing? She honestly had no answers. She told me that she contacted other docs, including a highly regarded mentor, who were all at a loss. It just didn't make sense that my hCG was decreasing but that the embryo/sac grew. No one had ever heard of such a thing happening before. Dr. E was clearly apologetic and sympathetic. She asked herself if she would have done anything differently, she asked her colleagues if she should have done anything differently, and the answer was 'no.' Everything appeared to be on track with no red flags of concern. For whatever reason, it just happened. It was an extreme anomaly.
I was a bit pissed that none of my previous GYNs has ever suspected endo, considering the painful ovulation and rectal pain I experience, but then I realized I've been on the pill most of my adult life- from the ages of 18 to 28 with only a few windows of time when I wasn't on it. It wasn't enough time to for a puzzle to appear. Then I became an army patient without the benefit of a stable provider who gets to know me and my history, so the pieces were never put together. I still think the RE I saw in WA should have been more concerned about my HSG results. Oh well, can't go back in time and do anything differently.
The other loose end is how long to wait until trying again. I had a blood draw done after the follow-up appt and my hCG level was a 3, and I'm pretty sure I ovulated the next day (which is confirmed by starting my period 15 days later, per usual). Dr. E left the decision to me, but after I learned more about MTX and how it cannibalizes the body's folate (extremely important for a developing baby), and given that I had two rounds of the stuff, J & I decided to be conservative and wait the 6 months. Which means we *might* have one chance before he deploys and is gone for 10 months. In the meantime, I went back on the pill for safety's sake. I'm hoping there will be some added benefit of keeping the endo in check, but probably not since it's only for a few months (I'm thinking being on the pill those 10 years might have been keeping it in check during that time). We'll see what the REs think too.
Now I'm dealing with the idea that there will be no baby this year, probably no baby next year and possibly not even the year after. I've been playing the 'Would be' game again... I would be 15 weeks along. My attempts at optimism are feeble ;)
Though I have so much to be thankful for- Ally's 2nd birthday was last week. Unbelievable! And I relished Mother's Day this year with my little lady. I am so lucky. Hopefully I will have pictures up soon to share!
Friday, April 13, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
On Saturday I was feeling some more Corpus Luteum cyst pain (or so I thought) around noon, and had to ask J to take over Ally duty. It was a bit more intense then earlier in the week, but not the hunched over, can't breathe kind of pain you hear about with ectopic pregnancies. I called the triage nurse line around 2:30pm, and she advised me to go to the ER (of course) even though by then I was feeling much better. I was going to wait and see if the pain became worse again before shlepping to the ER if I could- except I went to the bathroom after hanging up with the RN and wiped what appeared to be the start of a period. So, I got my purse and told J I was off to the ER. I figured even if it was cyst pain I could get peace of mind, and if it was the start of a m/c I might get help or an idea of what was happening.
I walked into our small town ER, which didn't appear to be busy and was triaged and registered. I should have told them I was in more pain than I really was since it took over FOUR hours for me to be seen. Granted an ambulance and a helicopter (!!!) emergency came in, but wow it was ridiculous. I kept giving myself timelines, like "I'll only stay an hour" or "I'll wait until 5:30" then "I'll wait a half hour more" because while I was there my pain had gone down to nearly zero, and I hated being around all these contagious people who didn't know how to cover their mouths/noses! Yuck! But around 6pm I felt a "tug," kind of like how it felt before my water broke with Ally, so I tracked down a nurse (there was no one manning the ER, you press a button to be let into triage- ridiculous!) and emotionally asked her for a pad because I was sure the blood would start flowing. In actuality, there wasn't much of anything, but luckily the nurse must have asked if I could at least get my labs started. After I got back from the lab is when the helicopter came in and I thought "I'm leaving!" But, I guess I knew something wasn't right and I stayed.
I was finally brought back into the ER at 7:30pm, the nurse had me undress and the Dr introduced himself (though for the life of me I cannot remember his name) and gave me a plan of action, starting with the physical exam. He had barely started when he stopped, which scared me, but then he said my cervix was closed and there was no active bleeding. He was hesitant to order an u/s because of his findings and the fact that I was in little pain, but I think he saw the look on my face and decided to go ahead with it. I had to wait over an hour for the u/s since they don't keep techs in-house due to expense. So, the on-call tech came in and took me to radiology. She was very nice, but didn't give me much indication about what she was seeing (obviously). As soon as she brought me back to the ER the Dr told me they had to wait on the official report but that the tech informed him that the pregnancy was tubal. He was very sympathetic, and I think he was waiting for me to breakdown, which didn't really happen. He told me some possible treatment options, but they had to wait for the official report, then the on-call OB who would then come in and talk to me. For some reason in took over an hour for the report and a bit longer for the OB. During that time I was pretty much left alone, which was fine with me, and I went from scared of having surgery, to sad for the loss, to concern about TTC in the future.
The on-call OB, Dr. E, was great and I felt comfortable with her right away. She basically told me I was very lucky to come in when I did (and patiently wait to be seen!) since I was only 6w along and could be given Methotrexate to end the pregnancy. She went over the risks, etc, but I felt comfortable with the decision to go ahead. I guess the meds are called for when the pregnancy is under 4cm and mine was measuring an 1cm, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will not need a repeat dose. I was finally discharged at 12:30am Sunday with jokes from the RN about my 9 hour visit to a bumpkin ER, and was sooooo glad to get home. All I wanted to do was shower and get into bed.
I have purposely stayed away from googling Methotrexate because I got the impression it is very powerful stuff, since Dr. E wore a gown and gloves to administer the injection and no one else was in the room, and the info I was given at the ER. The little bit I have read is enough to keep me away. I am very susceptible to psychosomatic illness, etc and I'm trying to keep myself calm about this stuff.
I was feeling okay on Sunday, but woke up Monday with pelvic pain, nausea and feeling faint. I spent a little time lying on the bathroom floor since I didn't want to pass out. I am so lucky Ally is an easy going girl because it took me a long time to get her from her crib. I felt better as the day went on, but not great. Tuesday started okay, but I barely made it home after my hCG draw and a quick trip to the grocery store. I was in pain and feeling nauseous again. Our lovely sitter stayed for a few more hours while I lied in bed breathing through the pain. She gave Ally lunch and put her down for her nap, then locked the door behind her. I felt so lucky she was here since I would have been useless to Ally. J was also able to get home a little earlier, thankfully. TMI alert- I'm going to share this bit in case someone else is going through the same thing: One of the other side effects I've had is bathroom issues; it hurt to use the bathroom. Either the meds stopped me up or the pain led to me holding it too long, but I've had to take Colace to help things along. Needless to say, Tuesday was a long day.
Today has been okay, though I've had the mild abdominal cramping I was warned about on the ER info sheet. I'll take it over the pelvic pain, nausea though. I'm really looking forward to feeling better soon. I have another hCG draw Friday, with an OB appt that day to get the results. Fingers crossed for the proper decrease in hCG because I really don't want another week of poison coursing through my veins. I'd really appreciate this all working out in the best case scenario. No second dose, no more ER visits, no surgery, etc. I'd be so thankful for that... Fingers crossed.
Friday, March 9, 2012
1) I ovulated CD19, and an oldish egg doesn't bode well (the twins' egg was a CD21 release).
2) I POAS at 12dpo and thought just maaaaybeeee there was a positive line, though it was so nearly invisible it kind of came and went depending on how I tilted the stick. I POAS the next day, and basically saw the same thing- a nearly invisible, almost-line that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, so I dismissed the idea that these tests were positive. Even though Ally's 13dpo positive was light, it was there.
3) When I tested the next day, Sunday, at 14dpo I finally saw an actual positive, but it was still so much lighter than Ally's. Can you even see it in the pic?
I proceeded to test every morning and night for the next week. Yes, you read that correctly- not helping my total nutcase defense, I know :) The good news was that the tests seem to be darker at night, however they weren't getting any darker compared to each other. Not.at.all. I thought for sure my period would show up any day- or worse, it's ectopic. (The positive line did eventually darken by the next Sunday, but it just feels like it took too long to show anything remarkable.)
4) That first true BFP was Sunday, on Wednesday I received a few of these bad boys, and tested that night. The 25miu/ml and the 100miu/ml strips were visible, but the 500miu/ml was barely a shadow. I literally had to use a magnifying class to see it. This was not encouraging news at 16dpo. When I took another Detect5 test a week later, this past Wednesday, 25-500miu/ml showed up well, but nothing discernible at 2000miu/ml. Maybe an incredibly faint line, but even the magnifying glass didn't help much. There was a shadow of a line at 10000miu/ml though, which is confusing; This test does seem to give many testers extremely light results so I'll be testing with my last one this weekend, and will hopefully see more definitive results.
6) I felt strong Corpus Luteum cyst pain on Tuesday, which I've never experienced before. And while I know it's common, reading online that if it bursts and you don't supplement with progesterone the pregnancy may not survive. Awesome.
7) Lastly is that I have basically zero symptoms. Like the twins' pregnancy where you'd think I'd have had something with my hCG levels being pretty high, I don't really have any PG symptoms. With Ally it wasn't much but they were there. All I have had is a cramp/heavy feeling a few times, and a heightened sense of smell. I'm tired, but I'm always tired. I had a moody moment, but it was durning a spat with J and justified. My bo.obs tingle here and there, but I've have that since Ally was born. I know that there usually isn't much in the way of symptoms early on, but I'm entering 6weeks and there is nothing remarkable to hang my hopes on. I should be grateful for lack of uncomfortable symptoms, but I'd be okay with a little indication from my body that things are on track. And most worrisome, I spotted the other day, pink/red spotting.
So, now I'm waiting once more... for the other shoe to drop.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Ally will be two-years-old in just 62 days and that seems impossible. Though I look at her baby pictures and I can hardly remember her being so small, and with dark hair!
Here are a few Ally pics from the last 1 1/2 years:
6 months ~ Nov 2010
Jan and Feb 2012
Wow, she really has changed! Ally has such a little personality. She has this cute giggle, silly laugh, gets into everything, and loves dancing, climbing, being chased and dragging mommy everywhere! We still feel extremely lucky with this little lady!
Adjusting to life as a SAHM has taken a lot more time than I anticipated though. I was feeling great about it during those early months, for the first year really- there was no way I could imagine teaching full-time with a baby. But as Ally grows older, more independent and has settled into a routine, the monotony can became overbearing! I know there are many moms who wish they could stay home with their child/ren, and I totally get it, but man did I go through some dark days. I started seeing a counselor and that has helped a lot. I've also started taking a sign language class, since teaching Ally baby signs really piqued my interest. I guess I just needed a bit of my own life back :)
Another big change was our move from GA to KS this past July- and we will be moving again this August... good times! KS has been good so far, though it was so hot this summer and the winter has been sooo mild I feel like we never left GA. I am also dreading tornado season- I am so scared! And while J is busy with work and classes, he is home so I can't complain!
In short we are all well, happy and healthy- definitely can't complain about that, and we are very thankful for how life has treated us!!
Though the biggest event of 2012 so far:
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
How cute is she!!!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Would you be able to put that sweet angel down? I don't think so!
Love the leggings and that cute face!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
It's Baby's "due date." Today is the estimated day Baby would be born if we were taken out of a textbook scenario :o)
We had our 40w appointment today and Baby's heartbeat sounded great. We're measuring on track and the midwife did a cervical check. I, however, asked not to be told where we are at since it doesn't mean jack- there is no way to predict when Baby will make her grand entrance, only she knows when she's ready! If for some reason Baby still hasn't arrived by our appointment next Wednesday then we'll talk about intervening, but there is no rush since Baby appears to be just fine.