Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Kinda running the gamut

My emotions have been all over the place this week. Sometimes I'm sad, sometimes hopeful, sometimes numb. I am having a numb moment. I'm looking forward to getting past Mar 1st. I'm hoping I'll pass through some imaginary finish-line where I can be over it all. I'll have hit that milestone, and be able to move on. Wouldn't that be great?
This past Saturday, I taught a Babysitters Training class for the first time since the m/c. The last time I was pg, and excited thinking J could try practicing on the equipment. I hadn't been able to teach the class since. Though I must admit that the day went much better than I thought. I thought it would be this big reminder, that it would make me feel sad talking about babies, but I was actually okay. Better than okay. As I sat there watching the instructional video review diapering, I thought "Someday, that will be me. Someday I'll be able to put all my mommy skills to good use." I caught myself being hopeful, which is an emotion I haven't felt in awhile. I had a glimpse of the day where I'd be done playing the "Would be" game and moving onto the "Someday" game. That would be wonderful. Though, I am not there yet- I would be 39weeks today...

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