Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Turner's Syndrome

Officially: Turner's Syndrome with mosaicism.  Baby was a she.

Adding to the fun was the chemical pregnancy I had in April. Yes, you read that right. I was waiting on my period after the D&C, so I tested on a hunch. Sure enough, it was a BFP. The betas caught that is was a chemical pregnancy really early, but for a few days there, I thought "please let this be it, please let this be our healthy baby, please."

Turns out Ally truly is our real-life miracle. I'm thinking after two blighted ovum pregnancies, another with Turner's and then the chemical pregnancy, we are dealing with (major?) genetic issues, possibly a translocation issue. Which leads us to either keep trying and keep losing, or possibly have a child with an unbalanced translocation and the resulting effects, or... IVF with PGD. None of these secenarios are appealing.

And while I might be putting the cart before the horse, I am now mourning the thought that we really might only have one child. There really might not be anymore children. No sibling(s) for Ally. It will be just the three of us. No need for all the baby stuff we've been holding onto. No bringing home a teeny tiny bundle of new life. No nighttime feedings, first smiles, rolling over or crawls. No "mama" and "dada."

And I feel badly for Ally. It seems like a lot of (unintentional) pressure to be an only. It all rides on her. She's our only shot at this parenting thing. No sibling to help her bear her crazy parents :) To share secrets and holiday goodness with. She can't even "adopt" a sibling in the form of a friend because we move so much. It's a lonely life.

While I am eternally grateful for what we do have, I'm just so overwhelemed...

4 comments:

satto said...

I'm sorry sweetie. That is a lot to deal with. I hope whatever your next step is, it brings you peace (and hopefully a sibling for Ally)

AP said...

Thank you satto, me too...

myhopejar said...

I understand your pain hon. Sending you strength and hope for the future for whatever next steps you take in this journey. Know you are not alone. Hugs XO

AP said...

Thank you for the support :)