The Two Week Wait

Ahhh, the 2ww. Such good times! Since I am an overeager tester, I'm sure I'll only make it about 10 days :)

I had so strongly convinced myself that I was pg last month I was actually hoping it wasn't true since I now fear another ectopic. Sounds ridiculous- not the fear part, I think that's pretty normal. I mean the crazy "you're pregnant," "but, no wait I'm scared and I don't want to be" thoughts. It was an interesting inner struggle.

The hypochondriac side of my brain thinks that maybe the ectopic happened for a reason, because there is something bigger and scarier going on with my health that has yet to be discovered. Yes, I'm a nutcase; I completely cop to that fact. The more rational side of my brain knows that the endo caused the ectopic, and that's it. The problem with this rationale is that my instincts are usually right, about 50% of the time :) So, I'm waiting on more than a BFP. I'm waiting to see if the strange pangs, tingles, lumps and bumps I experience throughout my body are a sign of something even bigger to overcome.  Knowing my luck so far, we'll get pg just to find out it needs to be terminated since I'll need chemo or something.

Oh, how I wish I was naturally one of those positive, happy people. Life from that angle must be so nice...