Thursday, November 1, 2012

Stupid EDD

Today would have been my EDD. I haven't really thought about it much, but it popped into my head yesterday and was on my mind a bit today. How very different life would be. Not necessarily better of course because I have so much to be thankful for- just different, but in the best possible way.

An ectopic is such a strange (for lack of a better term) way to "lose" a pregnancy in that your own health takes precedence. While logically you know there is no way an ectopic is viable, it is still the loss of what could have been. In such a short amount of time dreams were made, names were discussed (girl's name picked even). It was just enough time to get excited, and since we already have Ally it was easier to be optimistic right from the start; I kept thinking and telling J "our odds are good, we're 1:1." It sucks to have that optimism ripped away again, and our odds are even worse but for multiple reasons now.

The simple truth is, I'm sad about this loss and everything it means.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

36 weeks

The "Would Be" game continues- I would be 36 weeks pregnant... Not gonna lie, I'm pretty bummed. Though I'm trying hard to play the "Someday" game too- Someday we will be a family of 4 (then 5, hopefully)...

Saturday, September 29, 2012

BFN

BFN this morn at 14dpo, and my period started a few hours ago. I was a little hopeful, but not much so I'm not surprised. This does however mean definitely no baby next year, and most likely not until mid-2014 at the earliest. Ally will be 4 by then. I had hoped my children would be closer in age, but you can't always get what you want, and at this point I would just like another. I love Ally to bits, but I want more kids and I want her to have siblings.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Family Pics

We missed having Ally's 2yr studio pics done because she was in a mood and did not want to cooperate. at. all. Since we knew J was deploying soon, we did want some prof pics taken right before he left. Luckily an acquaintance from a few years ago (who was even more lovely than I remember!) made some time for us, and we got some great pics. So happy!






Tuesday, September 25, 2012

And...?

Sorry to leave you hanging- I know the whole world was waiting to find out what happened. haha.

The appt with the PA went well, she was kind of quick to brush off my concerns, but agreed to let me draw another beta, and also performed a full exam. I had told her I was having some left side/flank pain, and she was surprised to find a cyst on the left ovary. She was fairly certain it was just the corpus luteum from ovulation, but set up an u/s just to be sure. She was right and the cyst was gone when I had the u/s 4 days later. It was sort of odd that it was seemingly so late in my cycle to still have the cyst (CD 9), but it makes sense that my O date for the right side typically gets pushed back a few days compared to the left side. I had my beta drawn the same day as the u/s and my hCG was at 2. Apparently there is always some fluctuating 0-8ish amount of hCG floating around the (female?) system-interesting. I ovulated a few days later and am currently waiting to get my period. Though I'll probably POAS by Friday, just 'cause I'm a hpt glutton :)

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Huh?

My beta yesterday was 7 and my period all but stopped. Not quite sure what to think of that. Obviously there is nothing viable going on, but I was shocked that the doc consulted (not my current doc) didn't want another draw. Her words "5 is negative, who ordered a 2nd draw?! 7 is negative, no more blood work." Ummm, I'm not a doctor, but I do know the <5 is considered the "not pregnant" mark. 7 means something is producing hCG, wouldn't she want to be sure that it's not an ectopic forming somewhere? or something else? I'm not saying I need a draw every day or anything, but I think it's important to check that the number goes back below 5 soon. Maybe she didn't know my history (I'm assuming not since it wasn't my doc's nurse following up because of the holiday), but it confirms the opinion of this doc that I formed years ago- which is that I don't like her :) I have an appt with a PA next Thursday, and I will be demanding requesting another draw. I need to follow up on this.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

What the ...?

My hCG yesterday was 5. Still, the hpt I took yesterday was positive and more obvious then the one from the day before, but still ridiculously light- and I had started my period. I'd blame it on that batch of tests, but I used tests from different batches. I've taken enough tests over the last 4 years to know the difference between one line and two lines. I have a follow-up beta tomorrow just to be sure there isn't an ectopic forming.

Since my last hCG quant in April was 3, I'm thinking maybe this was a chemical pregnancy? And it takes longer for urine to filter out the hCG than blood? A non-pregnant women doesn't produce hCG, unless she has certain cancers... awesome bit of information for a hypochondriac like me.


Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Fairest and Faintest BFP of Them All...

Yup, it's there- I think. A second line so faint I'm half convinced I'm seeing things (hysterical pregnancy maybe?). Not an encouraging sight considering it is much lighter than the line I had with the ectopic this Spring. At 14DPO I should have a much stronger positive. I do not have a good feeling about this.

We also just moved back to my hometown and are in the middle of changing insurance plans and finding docs- prefect timing to need a STAT beta! Luckily, I called the office I used to go to here and a nurse called me right back. After listening to my recent history she ordered a blood draw, which I'll get done when the lab opens in the morning- and which I'll probably be paying out of pocket for. Though I really don't care about the cost. I just need to know where we are at, and think positive, doubling thoughts over the next few days... I kind of hope I'm crazy, and they'll laugh me and my made-up HPT out of the office :)

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The Two Week Wait

Ahhh, the 2ww. Such good times! Since I am an overeager tester, I'm sure I'll only make it about 10 days :)

I had so strongly convinced myself that I was pg last month I was actually hoping it wasn't true since I now fear another ectopic. Sounds ridiculous- not the fear part, I think that's pretty normal. I mean the crazy "you're pregnant," "but, no wait I'm scared and I don't want to be" thoughts. It was an interesting inner struggle.

The hypochondriac side of my brain thinks that maybe the ectopic happened for a reason, because there is something bigger and scarier going on with my health that has yet to be discovered. Yes, I'm a nutcase; I completely cop to that fact. The more rational side of my brain knows that the endo caused the ectopic, and that's it. The problem with this rationale is that my instincts are usually right, about 50% of the time :) So, I'm waiting on more than a BFP. I'm waiting to see if the strange pangs, tingles, lumps and bumps I experience throughout my body are a sign of something even bigger to overcome.  Knowing my luck so far, we'll get pg just to find out it needs to be terminated since I'll need chemo or something.

Oh, how I wish I was naturally one of those positive, happy people. Life from that angle must be so nice...

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Where We're At

Thankfully it has been a pretty uneventful couple of months. It is ridiculously hot where we are living now, though we are moving in a month and looking forward to a reprieve (that and a more distinct change of seasons)! I've been on the pill to allow the Metho a few months to "wash out" of my system. Since there are no good studies on how much time is necessary/safe between pregnancies, we were going with the 6 months range. Though I have not liked being on it this time round- I seem to notice how the hormones affect my body more so, even though it's the same pill I was on for years previously. I'm not sure if it's age, paranoia or being more in-tune with my body... probably paranoia :) So, we've decided that I'm not going to start a new pack this month. I was originally going to stay on it through July, possibly August, but I'm done. I suppose I'm also being impatient! I had my folate checked and the number was really high (around 20)- though it was only a floating folate and not a true red blood cell test. We're just hoping it's enough and that if I do happen to get pregnant, the high levels floating around will balance out any possible deficiency caused by the Metho. Optimism is not my strong suit, but it's my only hope at this point.

Speaking of possibly getting pregnant, J and I had a consult with an RE, Dr. K, this past Friday. After looking at our histories and doing the preliminary u/s, Dr. K suggested trying IUI first (I can't remember if he meant adding Clomid, etc too or natural), for a few cycles, then moving on to IVF, if we were so inclined. Or skipping IUI and going right to IVF since it yields better results. Typical RE response I suppose. Though he did seem conservative, in that as long as J's SA came back okay, trying 4-6 months naturally seemed like a good idea, then moving onto IUI. He also was very clear that IUIs are carefully monitored, and that they do not transfer more than 2 embryos during IVF, etc.

We are awaiting J's SA results (which have been varied in the past), and Dr. K wants me to repeat my Day 3 blood work, and get my progesterone level on Day 21 (which I don't think I've had done before). Dr. K also mentioned that everything looked good at my u/s and that I had lots of follicles, so that was reassuring. So, as long as J's results are pretty good, we're going to try naturally in July and Aug- maybe Sept if we're able to (since J may already be gone). Then we're thinking of going with IUI while he's away. If we don't get pregnant, then when he gets home we'll explore IVF. Though J seemed like he was ready to go ahead with IVF- I guess I'm not the only impatient one :) We have another consult with a different clinic on the 18th, though we might cancel it if we feel comfortable with this plan. Not sure what we're going to do yet...

And since I promised these months ago, a few shots of our adorable 2 year old!



Tuesday, May 15, 2012

What Now?

It has been over a month since my emergency surgery, and thankfully I am healed physically and feeling emotionally okay. It all seems so surreal, but I have the scars to prove it.

At my post surgery follow-up, Dr. E did a run-of-the-mill check of my metal and physical state, then reviewed the surgery pictures with me. Turns out that "something" Dr. E mentioned to J about my ovary is Endometriosis. Probably Stage 3-4 Endo. While it could still impede my fertility, it looks confined to the right side (ovary, outer uterus, the tube that ruptured). There is quite a bit of scarring, and so far the intestines are not adhered to the ovary, but they're "sticking" together a bit. Luckily the liver didn't appear to be involved. I don't remember exactly everything Dr. E said, and since she wasn't in there to do a lot of exploring she just has a basic idea of the situation. I'm thinking it is more Stage 4 considering the rectal pain I have during ovulation and menstruation. We're going to leave well enough alone at this point, and feel that the endo explains the blockage (and also why right side ovulation is more painful for me). However, I am going to see a couple of REs to get some opinions on what our next steps might be.

I also asked Dr. E what she think happened- why did it keep growing? She honestly had no answers. She told me that she contacted other docs, including a highly regarded mentor, who were all at a loss. It just didn't make sense that my hCG was decreasing but that the embryo/sac grew. No one had ever heard of such a thing happening before. Dr. E was clearly apologetic and sympathetic. She asked herself if she would have done anything differently, she asked her colleagues if she should have done anything differently, and the answer was 'no.' Everything appeared to be on track with no red flags of concern. For whatever reason, it just happened. It was an extreme anomaly.

I was a bit pissed that none of my previous GYNs has ever suspected endo, considering the painful ovulation and rectal pain I experience, but then I realized I've been on the pill most of my adult life- from the ages of 18 to 28 with only a few windows of time when I wasn't on it. It wasn't enough time to for a puzzle to appear. Then I became an army patient without the benefit of a stable provider who gets to know me and my history, so the pieces were never put together. I still think the RE I saw in WA should have been more concerned about my HSG results. Oh well, can't go back in time and do anything differently.

The other loose end is how long to wait until trying again. I had a blood draw done after the follow-up appt and my hCG level was a 3, and I'm pretty sure I ovulated the next day (which is confirmed by starting my period 15 days later, per usual). Dr. E left the decision to me, but after I learned more about MTX and how it cannibalizes the body's folate (extremely important for a developing baby), and given that I had two rounds of the stuff, J & I decided to be conservative and wait the 6 months. Which means we *might* have one chance before he deploys and is gone for 10 months. In the meantime, I went back on the pill for safety's sake. I'm hoping there will be some added benefit of keeping the endo in check, but probably not since it's only for a few months (I'm thinking being on the pill those 10 years might have been keeping it in check during that time). We'll see what the REs think too.

Now I'm dealing with the idea that there will be no baby this year, probably no baby next year and possibly not even the year after. I've been playing the 'Would be' game again... I would be 15 weeks along. My attempts at optimism are feeble ;)

Though I have so much to be thankful for- Ally's 2nd birthday was last week. Unbelievable! And I relished Mother's Day this year with my little lady. I am so lucky. Hopefully I will have pictures up soon to share!

Friday, April 13, 2012

Rupture

Right tubal rupture- good times! For whatever reason, after two rounds of Methotrexate my 1cm sized embryo grew to 5cm, even with a falling hCG. My beta last Friday was 3900, not a big decline from the week before, but not concerning, and my level yesterday at the ER was 1800- a nice big jump. Yet it kept growing...

Around 11pm Wednesday night I felt some left side aching in my back which spread to the right side. It became a bit strong so I took some extra strength Tylenol and gave myself two hours. I was worried about kidney stones since that's where the pain seemed to be emanating from, though the pain did eventually move to my right front pelvic region. A rupture never crossed my mind since my levels were dropping and we caught the ectopic at 6weeks- nearly five weeks ago (and since I was still getting a period I didn't notice that it had become more like real blood until later). By 1am I told J we should to go to the ER, so he called on a friend to stay at the house with Ally sleeping. 

Luckily this time the ER was empty so I was seen almost immediately. Same doc too, Dr. L- I doubt I'll forget his name now! Dr. L talked to us, did a belly exam and really wasn't sure what was going on, but did want to start me on pain meds, get a blood draw and urine sample. I was given Zofran to help with the nausea from the pain and the meds I was going to get. I don't remember exactly what I got- hydro.codon maybe? It took awhile for that to kick in, but definitely helped once it did, though I was still feeling a dull bit of pain. Lab came back with nothing of concern and an hCG of 1800. 

I'm not sure if Dr. L is just conservative in his care or cost, but he mentioned getting the pain under control then having me follow up with Dr. E. To which I thought "hell no." I told him I wanted to find out why I was in pain in the first place. So he decided on a CT scan since that would show stones, ovarian cysts, etc. Good thing I advocated for more info since the CT showed the rupture. Within an hour IVs and oxygen were started, and Dr. E and a team were there to get me into surgery. It all went pretty quickly, and everyone who took care of me was very nice. I was wheeled into Surgery, thinking "I haven't had real surgery since I was 3 years old." Pretty good run, I think :) Last thing I remember was the nurse anesthetist saying she'd be putting me to sleep... and I woke up 2 hours later in recovery. I had told Dr. E to take the tube no matter what, which she did, though thankfully that was all that was removed. She gave J pics from the surgery (!!!) and told me we'd go over them at my follow up appointment. She said something about my right ovary, though J doesn't remember what exactly, but didn't think Dr. E was overly concerned about it. So I'm thinking PCOS or Endo? Dr. E also said the left side looked great- thank goodness!

We were fortunate one of our sitters was able to be with Ally all day, and my mom was able to fly in last night- yay! That's one of the biggest draw backs about military living- the usual family support system isn't there. Though since we're all in the same boat military friends are there in a pinch :) I'm thankful this all happened at what turned out to be a convenient time- not sure what I would have done if J had been at class, unreachable, and I was alone with Ally. Not a good scenario. I'm also glad I went with my instincts, even though I was wrong about the cause I knew I needed ER care and that J needed to be with me. 

I was home a few hours after waking up in recovery, and have been resting in bed. J took care of everything before my mom got here. We'd both been up over 24 hours by the time we got home at 11am yesterday and there was a lot to do. And lest we forget when all this occurred: it fell on our 5 year wedding anniversary. All the nurses "awwww"-ed when they were wheeling me out and I said "happy anniversary" to J. Good times, indeed.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

So Far, So Good

I had my 3rd hCG draw and a follow-up with Dr. E on 3/23. Thankfully my quant decreased from apx 10,000 to 6,000, and my last draw this past Friday 3/30 was apx 4,500.

At the appt with Dr. E on the 23rd I talked to her about what comes next, assuming the ectopic is taken care of, and her response was quite different from Dr. P's (whom I saw 3/16 since Dr. E was out of town). She felt that waiting 4-6 months was more appropriate since there are no good studies that show when it is safe to get pregnant after Metho. Whereas Dr. P said the drug is out of the system within a week, and the advice is to wait a cycle or two after the hCG comes back to normal just like any miscarriage (so apx 3 months). Hmmmm. Plus, Dr. P thought removing the tube and taking it out of the equation made sense, and has done so before, but Dr. E was hesitant about that idea and wants to do more research... I guess I appreciate Dr. E's conservatism, but at the same time I would have love some consensus so I don't feel like I'm floating out it no-man's land. I like a plan, and right now I have nothing.

Fingers crossed my quant this Friday is < 2,500!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Round Two

Unfortuntely, my hCG did not decline as much as Doc hoped, and Dr. P also thinks the embryo was pushed out of the tube given the pain I was in last Tuesday, so I was given another dose of the Methotrexate. That was Friday and luckily the side effects haven't been as bad as I feared they might be. Still have a few things to discuss with the Dr, but I'm just really hoping my hCG on Friday will be low enough that Dr. E says everything is taken care of... Fingers crossed. My period stared today, so that gives me hope the hCG is going down. I just want this over with.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

It's Only Wednesday?

It has been a long 5 days so far...

On Saturday I was feeling some more Corpus Luteum cyst pain (or so I thought) around noon, and had to ask J to take over Ally duty. It was a bit more intense then earlier in the week, but not the hunched over, can't breathe kind of pain you hear about with ectopic pregnancies. I called the triage nurse line around 2:30pm, and she advised me to go to the ER (of course) even though by then I was feeling much better. I was going to wait and see if the pain became worse again before shlepping to the ER if I could- except I went to the bathroom after hanging up with the RN and wiped what appeared to be the start of a period. So, I got my purse and told J I was off to the ER. I figured even if it was cyst pain I could get peace of mind, and if it was the start of a m/c I might get help or an idea of what was happening.

I walked into our small town ER, which didn't appear to be busy and was triaged and registered. I should have told them I was in more pain than I really was since it took over FOUR hours for me to be seen. Granted an ambulance and a helicopter (!!!) emergency came in, but wow it was ridiculous. I kept giving myself timelines, like "I'll only stay an hour" or "I'll wait until 5:30" then "I'll wait a half hour more" because while I was there my pain had gone down to nearly zero, and I hated being around all these contagious people who didn't know how to cover their mouths/noses! Yuck! But around 6pm I felt a "tug," kind of like how it felt before my water broke with Ally, so I tracked down a nurse (there was no one manning the ER, you press a button to be let into triage- ridiculous!) and emotionally asked her for a pad because I was sure the blood would start flowing. In actuality, there wasn't much of anything, but luckily the nurse must have asked if I could at least get my labs started. After I got back from the lab is when the helicopter came in and I thought "I'm leaving!" But, I guess I knew something wasn't right and I stayed.

I was finally brought back into the ER at 7:30pm, the nurse had me undress and the Dr introduced himself (though for the life of me I cannot remember his name) and gave me a plan of action, starting with the physical exam. He had barely started when he stopped, which scared me, but then he said my cervix was closed and there was no active bleeding. He was hesitant to order an u/s because of his findings and the fact that I was in little pain, but I think he saw the look on my face and decided to go ahead with it. I had to wait over an hour for the u/s since they don't keep techs in-house due to expense. So, the on-call tech came in and took me to radiology. She was very nice, but didn't give me much indication about what she was seeing (obviously). As soon as she brought me back to the ER the Dr told me they had to wait on the official report but that the tech informed him that the pregnancy was tubal. He was very sympathetic, and I think he was waiting for me to breakdown, which didn't really happen. He told me some possible treatment options, but they had to wait for the official report, then the on-call OB who would then come in and talk to me. For some reason in took over an hour for the report and a bit longer for the OB. During that time I was pretty much left alone, which was fine with me, and I went from scared of having surgery, to sad for the loss, to concern about TTC in the future.

The on-call OB, Dr. E, was great and I felt comfortable with her right away. She basically told me I was very lucky to come in when I did (and patiently wait to be seen!) since I was only 6w along and could be given Methotrexate to end the pregnancy. She went over the risks, etc, but I felt comfortable with the decision to go ahead. I guess the meds are called for when the pregnancy is under 4cm and mine was measuring an 1cm, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will not need a repeat dose. I was finally discharged at 12:30am Sunday with jokes from the RN about my 9 hour visit to a bumpkin ER, and was sooooo glad to get home. All I wanted to do was shower and get into bed.

I have purposely stayed away from googling Methotrexate because I got the impression it is very powerful stuff, since Dr. E wore a gown and gloves to administer the injection and no one else was in the room, and the info I was given at the ER. The little bit I have read is enough to keep me away. I am very susceptible to psychosomatic illness, etc and I'm trying to keep myself calm about this stuff.

I was feeling okay on Sunday, but woke up Monday with pelvic pain, nausea and feeling faint. I spent a little time lying on the bathroom floor since I didn't want to pass out. I am so lucky Ally is an easy going girl because it took me a long time to get her from her crib. I felt better as the day went on, but not great. Tuesday started okay, but I barely made it home after my hCG draw and a quick trip to the grocery store. I was in pain and feeling nauseous again. Our lovely sitter stayed for a few more hours while I lied in bed breathing through the pain. She gave Ally lunch and put her down for her nap, then locked the door behind her. I felt so lucky she was here since I would have been useless to Ally. J was also able to get home a little earlier, thankfully. TMI alert- I'm going to share this bit in case someone else is going through the same thing: One of the other side effects I've had is bathroom issues; it hurt to use the bathroom. Either the meds stopped me up or the pain led to me holding it too long, but I've had to take Colace to help things along. Needless to say, Tuesday was a long day.

Today has been okay, though I've had the mild abdominal cramping I was warned about on the ER info sheet. I'll take it over the pelvic pain, nausea though. I'm really looking forward to feeling better soon. I have another hCG draw Friday, with an OB appt that day to get the results. Fingers crossed for the proper decrease in hCG because I really don't want another week of poison coursing through my veins. I'd really appreciate this all working out in the best case scenario. No second dose, no more ER visits, no surgery, etc. I'd be so thankful for that... Fingers crossed.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Friday, March 9, 2012

Nervous Once More...

So, I'm not really sure why I've been hesitant to post since sharing the news that I'm PG, other than I am so scared that it won't last... To prove that I am not a total nutcase here is why I am nervous:

1) I ovulated CD19, and an oldish egg doesn't bode well (the twins' egg was a CD21 release).

2) I POAS at 12dpo and thought just maaaaybeeee there was a positive line, though it was so nearly invisible it kind of came and went depending on how I tilted the stick. I POAS the next day, and basically saw the same thing- a nearly invisible, almost-line that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, so I dismissed the idea that these tests were positive. Even though Ally's 13dpo positive was light, it was there.

3) When I tested the next day, Sunday, at 14dpo I finally saw an actual positive, but it was still so much lighter than Ally's. Can you even see it in the pic?

I proceeded to test every morning and night for the next week. Yes, you read that correctly- not helping my total nutcase defense, I know :) The good news was that the tests seem to be darker at night, however they weren't getting any darker compared to each other. Not.at.all. I thought for sure my period would show up any day- or worse, it's ectopic. (The positive line did eventually darken by the next Sunday, but it just feels like it took too long to show anything remarkable.)

4) That first true BFP was Sunday, on Wednesday I received a few of these bad boys, and tested that night. The 25miu/ml and the 100miu/ml strips were visible, but the 500miu/ml was barely a shadow. I literally had to use a magnifying class to see it. This was not encouraging news at 16dpo. When I took another Detect5 test a week later, this past Wednesday, 25-500miu/ml showed up well, but nothing discernible at 2000miu/ml. Maybe an incredibly faint line, but even the magnifying glass didn't help much. There was a shadow of a line at 10000miu/ml though, which is confusing; This test does seem to give many testers extremely light results so I'll be testing with my last one this weekend, and will hopefully see more definitive results.

6) I felt strong Corpus Luteum cyst pain on Tuesday, which I've never experienced before. And while I know it's common, reading online that if it bursts and you don't supplement with progesterone the pregnancy may not survive. Awesome.

7) Lastly is that I have basically zero symptoms. Like the twins' pregnancy where you'd think I'd have had something with my hCG levels being pretty high, I don't really have any PG symptoms. With Ally it wasn't much but they were there. All I have had is a cramp/heavy feeling a few times, and a heightened sense of smell. I'm tired, but I'm always tired. I had a moody moment, but it was durning a spat with J and justified. My bo.obs tingle here and there, but I've have that since Ally was born. I know that there usually isn't much in the way of symptoms early on, but I'm entering 6weeks and there is nothing remarkable to hang my hopes on. I should be grateful for lack of uncomfortable symptoms, but I'd be okay with a little indication from my body that things are on track. And most worrisome, I spotted the other day, pink/red spotting.

So, now I'm waiting once more... for the other shoe to drop.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Catching Up :)

Well, it has been awhile- like a year and a half! First I suppose a little catch up is in order :)
Ally will be two-years-old in just 62 days and that seems impossible. Though I look at her baby pictures and I can hardly remember her being so small, and with dark hair!

Here are a few Ally pics from the last 1 1/2 years:

                               6 months ~ Nov 2010

                                  1 year ~ May 2011


18 months ~ Nov 2011

                                        Jan and Feb 2012

Wow, she really has changed! Ally has such a little personality. She has this cute giggle, silly laugh, gets into everything, and loves dancing, climbing, being chased and dragging mommy everywhere! We still feel extremely lucky with this little lady!

Adjusting to life as a SAHM has taken a lot more time than I anticipated though. I was feeling great about it during those early months, for the first year really- there was no way I could imagine teaching full-time with a baby. But as Ally grows older, more independent and has settled into a routine, the monotony can became overbearing! I know there are many moms who wish they could stay home with their child/ren, and I totally get it, but man did I go through some dark days. I started seeing a counselor and that has helped a lot. I've also started taking a sign language class, since teaching Ally baby signs really piqued my interest. I guess I just needed a bit of my own life back :)

Another big change was our move from GA to KS this past July- and we will be moving again this August... good times! KS has been good so far, though it was so hot this summer and the winter has been sooo mild I feel like we never left GA. I am also dreading tornado season- I am so scared! And while J is busy with work and classes, he is home so I can't complain!

In short we are all well, happy and healthy- definitely can't complain about that, and we are very thankful for how life has treated us!!

Though the biggest event of 2012 so far:

EDD Nov 1, 2012