Why Now?

I've been wondering why I've decided to start writing about all of this having a baby stuff now. I've been thinking about starting a blog for awhile, not because I think what we're doing/going through is interesting to people, but because I usually write in a journal. I haven't written something down on paper in months. I don't know why that is, but I think typing it out would be good for me. I've tried not thinking about it all and that just seems to magnify how I feel, not make it go away. I know J understands how I'm feeling for the most part, but he is not as concerned as I am. He doesn't like seeing me sad, and I feel sadder making him feel bad- because he wants me to be happy and he tries everything he can think of to make me feel better. I can't explain it, I'm just different after the miscarriage. There is no way to "fix" it. It just is. Now knowing that we might not be able to get pregnant "the old-fashioned way" is daunting. 

So, here I am.