Processing

I guess that's what I'm doing. I keep thinking up all these scenarios for what might be next or why my tube is blocked. I have a feeling that Dr. C, the RE, will want to do a Lap and say he won't know what the problem is until he "gets in there." I know that no one *likes* surgery, but I'm really not wanting a Lap. Mostly because of timing. I'm not sure Dr. C could get me in before we have to move, and I don't know enough about the med fac at the new post to feel good about having it done there. I am totally getting ahead of myself, and I'm trying to keep from over analyzing it until after my Jun 10 appt. But, I'm a planner. I really like having a plan, and it is hard to stop my overactive brain. I'm also processing the fact that we're not just dealing with MFI. This all might be much tougher than I originally thought. J and I might have to do more than we ever imagined in order to create a family.

I'm also beginning to think it's amazing we ever even got pregnant! Let's see: 1) there is the fact that we only BDed once before I O'd, five days before O... 2) my egg was >20 days old... 3) my right tube is blocked... and 4) J's shoddy numbers. Granted no actual baby developed, but wow! 

Though, maybe it was all of those factors that lead to no baby... almost a year ago. Sometimes I wish I didn't remember dates so well, because I remember we BDed on Thur 6/5, I O'd Tue 6/10, and got our BFP Wed 6/25. Dates ingrained into my brain forever probably, and it has been hard these past few days. I'm randomly crying again, which I thought I was past. Guess not. Though, I think once I pass 6/25 it will let up again. It's hard, and I just have to accept that I still miss the idea of Baby P everyday. I still think about Baby P. Everyday.