1) Last week sometime I was talking with another teacher about how every night I have to convince myself that, yes I do have to go to work tomorrow. It feels like we should be on summer break already. Of course my teacher friend laughed and said I was really in trouble if I'm thinking it is summer! I laughed too, because it has been the strangest thing. Then, I started remembering- for an entire month last summer I was so excited knowing that my school year would be over by Feb Break... and here we are, but I'm not going anywhere. I know it was a long time ago, but I was so excited at the idea of being home with my baby and not having to go back to work, that I think my subconscious was having a hard time letting go of that notion. Plus, I haven't had that feeling since my revelation last week.
2) Baby P's EDD is around the corner, and it is more heart-wrenching than I thought. When I got my BFP, J brought home a bouquet of flowers and a teddy bear holding a baby bear rattle. We were both so happy. Then we had that sad 8 week u/s and the teddy bear was put away. Well, yesterday my mom sent me flowers and J sent me a Vermont Teddy Bear for Valentines Day, and the memories just came flooding back. I broke down crying.
I'm crying now! See- way overemotional! I'm getting sick of it, but I can't help it at the same time. Knowing that J and I are losing most of this year because of his deployment is making me so crazed. I can't stand the thought that we will not be having a baby this year. We can't even try until Jul/Aug! I'm just sitting here, waiting around for what I want most in life, and I'm so sad knowing what would have been, but can never be...
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