More Nervous Now

Seeing a real, live, moving, heart beating being on that u/s screen has made me even more nervous than before the u/s! In some ways I was expecting bad news at the u/s- I was more prepared to not see anything than to see a baby. Now the realization that something wonderful could truly be lost takes my breath away.

We also told our families about Baby. The timing just worked out. We headed up to see our families last week, and we took both sides all out to dinner where we gave each set of grandparents a framed pic of the u/s. We didn't tell them what it was, we just had them unwrap the frames. My stepmom, N, was the first to scream (I knew she would be!) then there was more screaming and crying. At that moment, my heart seemed to grow cold and I've begun shielding myself, readying for something tragic to happen. I didn't want to talk about Baby or baby stuff the rest of the time. It sounds silly, like I'm waiting for the bottom to fall out, but it's true. I think my anxiety stems from what happened last year, since it was after we told everyone that we found out there was no baby

I am still trying to focus on the positive. I read somewhere that 95% of pregnancies that had a viable u/s after 8w went to full-term. 95% is a great number, but it is hard to push that 5% out of my mind sometimes. If you think of all the babies born in a year, then 5% is still a lot of pregnancies that don't make it to full-term... I know, I know, I should stop worrying. I'm trying, but it's hard sometimes. Thankfully, I have my OB exam next Friday (I'll be 11w1d then) and the midwife should do another u/s, which will *hopefully* put my mind at ease a bit...