Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Round Two
Unfortuntely, my hCG did not decline as much as Doc hoped, and Dr. P also thinks the embryo was pushed out of the tube given the pain I was in last Tuesday, so I was given another dose of the Methotrexate. That was Friday and luckily the side effects haven't been as bad as I feared they might be. Still have a few things to discuss with the Dr, but I'm just really hoping my hCG on Friday will be low enough that Dr. E says everything is taken care of... Fingers crossed. My period stared today, so that gives me hope the hCG is going down. I just want this over with.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
It's Only Wednesday?
It has been a long 5 days so far...
On Saturday I was feeling some more Corpus Luteum cyst pain (or so I thought) around noon, and had to ask J to take over Ally duty. It was a bit more intense then earlier in the week, but not the hunched over, can't breathe kind of pain you hear about with ectopic pregnancies. I called the triage nurse line around 2:30pm, and she advised me to go to the ER (of course) even though by then I was feeling much better. I was going to wait and see if the pain became worse again before shlepping to the ER if I could- except I went to the bathroom after hanging up with the RN and wiped what appeared to be the start of a period. So, I got my purse and told J I was off to the ER. I figured even if it was cyst pain I could get peace of mind, and if it was the start of a m/c I might get help or an idea of what was happening.
I walked into our small town ER, which didn't appear to be busy and was triaged and registered. I should have told them I was in more pain than I really was since it took over FOUR hours for me to be seen. Granted an ambulance and a helicopter (!!!) emergency came in, but wow it was ridiculous. I kept giving myself timelines, like "I'll only stay an hour" or "I'll wait until 5:30" then "I'll wait a half hour more" because while I was there my pain had gone down to nearly zero, and I hated being around all these contagious people who didn't know how to cover their mouths/noses! Yuck! But around 6pm I felt a "tug," kind of like how it felt before my water broke with Ally, so I tracked down a nurse (there was no one manning the ER, you press a button to be let into triage- ridiculous!) and emotionally asked her for a pad because I was sure the blood would start flowing. In actuality, there wasn't much of anything, but luckily the nurse must have asked if I could at least get my labs started. After I got back from the lab is when the helicopter came in and I thought "I'm leaving!" But, I guess I knew something wasn't right and I stayed.
I was finally brought back into the ER at 7:30pm, the nurse had me undress and the Dr introduced himself (though for the life of me I cannot remember his name) and gave me a plan of action, starting with the physical exam. He had barely started when he stopped, which scared me, but then he said my cervix was closed and there was no active bleeding. He was hesitant to order an u/s because of his findings and the fact that I was in little pain, but I think he saw the look on my face and decided to go ahead with it. I had to wait over an hour for the u/s since they don't keep techs in-house due to expense. So, the on-call tech came in and took me to radiology. She was very nice, but didn't give me much indication about what she was seeing (obviously). As soon as she brought me back to the ER the Dr told me they had to wait on the official report but that the tech informed him that the pregnancy was tubal. He was very sympathetic, and I think he was waiting for me to breakdown, which didn't really happen. He told me some possible treatment options, but they had to wait for the official report, then the on-call OB who would then come in and talk to me. For some reason in took over an hour for the report and a bit longer for the OB. During that time I was pretty much left alone, which was fine with me, and I went from scared of having surgery, to sad for the loss, to concern about TTC in the future.
The on-call OB, Dr. E, was great and I felt comfortable with her right away. She basically told me I was very lucky to come in when I did (and patiently wait to be seen!) since I was only 6w along and could be given Methotrexate to end the pregnancy. She went over the risks, etc, but I felt comfortable with the decision to go ahead. I guess the meds are called for when the pregnancy is under 4cm and mine was measuring an 1cm, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will not need a repeat dose. I was finally discharged at 12:30am Sunday with jokes from the RN about my 9 hour visit to a bumpkin ER, and was sooooo glad to get home. All I wanted to do was shower and get into bed.
I have purposely stayed away from googling Methotrexate because I got the impression it is very powerful stuff, since Dr. E wore a gown and gloves to administer the injection and no one else was in the room, and the info I was given at the ER. The little bit I have read is enough to keep me away. I am very susceptible to psychosomatic illness, etc and I'm trying to keep myself calm about this stuff.
I was feeling okay on Sunday, but woke up Monday with pelvic pain, nausea and feeling faint. I spent a little time lying on the bathroom floor since I didn't want to pass out. I am so lucky Ally is an easy going girl because it took me a long time to get her from her crib. I felt better as the day went on, but not great. Tuesday started okay, but I barely made it home after my hCG draw and a quick trip to the grocery store. I was in pain and feeling nauseous again. Our lovely sitter stayed for a few more hours while I lied in bed breathing through the pain. She gave Ally lunch and put her down for her nap, then locked the door behind her. I felt so lucky she was here since I would have been useless to Ally. J was also able to get home a little earlier, thankfully. TMI alert- I'm going to share this bit in case someone else is going through the same thing: One of the other side effects I've had is bathroom issues; it hurt to use the bathroom. Either the meds stopped me up or the pain led to me holding it too long, but I've had to take Colace to help things along. Needless to say, Tuesday was a long day.
Today has been okay, though I've had the mild abdominal cramping I was warned about on the ER info sheet. I'll take it over the pelvic pain, nausea though. I'm really looking forward to feeling better soon. I have another hCG draw Friday, with an OB appt that day to get the results. Fingers crossed for the proper decrease in hCG because I really don't want another week of poison coursing through my veins. I'd really appreciate this all working out in the best case scenario. No second dose, no more ER visits, no surgery, etc. I'd be so thankful for that... Fingers crossed.
On Saturday I was feeling some more Corpus Luteum cyst pain (or so I thought) around noon, and had to ask J to take over Ally duty. It was a bit more intense then earlier in the week, but not the hunched over, can't breathe kind of pain you hear about with ectopic pregnancies. I called the triage nurse line around 2:30pm, and she advised me to go to the ER (of course) even though by then I was feeling much better. I was going to wait and see if the pain became worse again before shlepping to the ER if I could- except I went to the bathroom after hanging up with the RN and wiped what appeared to be the start of a period. So, I got my purse and told J I was off to the ER. I figured even if it was cyst pain I could get peace of mind, and if it was the start of a m/c I might get help or an idea of what was happening.
I walked into our small town ER, which didn't appear to be busy and was triaged and registered. I should have told them I was in more pain than I really was since it took over FOUR hours for me to be seen. Granted an ambulance and a helicopter (!!!) emergency came in, but wow it was ridiculous. I kept giving myself timelines, like "I'll only stay an hour" or "I'll wait until 5:30" then "I'll wait a half hour more" because while I was there my pain had gone down to nearly zero, and I hated being around all these contagious people who didn't know how to cover their mouths/noses! Yuck! But around 6pm I felt a "tug," kind of like how it felt before my water broke with Ally, so I tracked down a nurse (there was no one manning the ER, you press a button to be let into triage- ridiculous!) and emotionally asked her for a pad because I was sure the blood would start flowing. In actuality, there wasn't much of anything, but luckily the nurse must have asked if I could at least get my labs started. After I got back from the lab is when the helicopter came in and I thought "I'm leaving!" But, I guess I knew something wasn't right and I stayed.
I was finally brought back into the ER at 7:30pm, the nurse had me undress and the Dr introduced himself (though for the life of me I cannot remember his name) and gave me a plan of action, starting with the physical exam. He had barely started when he stopped, which scared me, but then he said my cervix was closed and there was no active bleeding. He was hesitant to order an u/s because of his findings and the fact that I was in little pain, but I think he saw the look on my face and decided to go ahead with it. I had to wait over an hour for the u/s since they don't keep techs in-house due to expense. So, the on-call tech came in and took me to radiology. She was very nice, but didn't give me much indication about what she was seeing (obviously). As soon as she brought me back to the ER the Dr told me they had to wait on the official report but that the tech informed him that the pregnancy was tubal. He was very sympathetic, and I think he was waiting for me to breakdown, which didn't really happen. He told me some possible treatment options, but they had to wait for the official report, then the on-call OB who would then come in and talk to me. For some reason in took over an hour for the report and a bit longer for the OB. During that time I was pretty much left alone, which was fine with me, and I went from scared of having surgery, to sad for the loss, to concern about TTC in the future.
The on-call OB, Dr. E, was great and I felt comfortable with her right away. She basically told me I was very lucky to come in when I did (and patiently wait to be seen!) since I was only 6w along and could be given Methotrexate to end the pregnancy. She went over the risks, etc, but I felt comfortable with the decision to go ahead. I guess the meds are called for when the pregnancy is under 4cm and mine was measuring an 1cm, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will not need a repeat dose. I was finally discharged at 12:30am Sunday with jokes from the RN about my 9 hour visit to a bumpkin ER, and was sooooo glad to get home. All I wanted to do was shower and get into bed.
I have purposely stayed away from googling Methotrexate because I got the impression it is very powerful stuff, since Dr. E wore a gown and gloves to administer the injection and no one else was in the room, and the info I was given at the ER. The little bit I have read is enough to keep me away. I am very susceptible to psychosomatic illness, etc and I'm trying to keep myself calm about this stuff.
I was feeling okay on Sunday, but woke up Monday with pelvic pain, nausea and feeling faint. I spent a little time lying on the bathroom floor since I didn't want to pass out. I am so lucky Ally is an easy going girl because it took me a long time to get her from her crib. I felt better as the day went on, but not great. Tuesday started okay, but I barely made it home after my hCG draw and a quick trip to the grocery store. I was in pain and feeling nauseous again. Our lovely sitter stayed for a few more hours while I lied in bed breathing through the pain. She gave Ally lunch and put her down for her nap, then locked the door behind her. I felt so lucky she was here since I would have been useless to Ally. J was also able to get home a little earlier, thankfully. TMI alert- I'm going to share this bit in case someone else is going through the same thing: One of the other side effects I've had is bathroom issues; it hurt to use the bathroom. Either the meds stopped me up or the pain led to me holding it too long, but I've had to take Colace to help things along. Needless to say, Tuesday was a long day.
Today has been okay, though I've had the mild abdominal cramping I was warned about on the ER info sheet. I'll take it over the pelvic pain, nausea though. I'm really looking forward to feeling better soon. I have another hCG draw Friday, with an OB appt that day to get the results. Fingers crossed for the proper decrease in hCG because I really don't want another week of poison coursing through my veins. I'd really appreciate this all working out in the best case scenario. No second dose, no more ER visits, no surgery, etc. I'd be so thankful for that... Fingers crossed.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Nervous Once More...
So, I'm not really sure why I've been hesitant to post since sharing the news that I'm PG, other than I am so scared that it won't last... To prove that I am not a total nutcase here is why I am nervous:
1) I ovulated CD19, and an oldish egg doesn't bode well (the twins' egg was a CD21 release).
2) I POAS at 12dpo and thought just maaaaybeeee there was a positive line, though it was so nearly invisible it kind of came and went depending on how I tilted the stick. I POAS the next day, and basically saw the same thing- a nearly invisible, almost-line that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, so I dismissed the idea that these tests were positive. Even though Ally's 13dpo positive was light, it was there.
3) When I tested the next day, Sunday, at 14dpo I finally saw an actual positive, but it was still so much lighter than Ally's. Can you even see it in the pic?
I proceeded to test every morning and night for the next week. Yes, you read that correctly- not helping my total nutcase defense, I know :) The good news was that the tests seem to be darker at night, however they weren't getting any darker compared to each other. Not.at.all. I thought for sure my period would show up any day- or worse, it's ectopic. (The positive line did eventually darken by the next Sunday, but it just feels like it took too long to show anything remarkable.)
4) That first true BFP was Sunday, on Wednesday I received a few of these bad boys, and tested that night. The 25miu/ml and the 100miu/ml strips were visible, but the 500miu/ml was barely a shadow. I literally had to use a magnifying class to see it. This was not encouraging news at 16dpo. When I took another Detect5 test a week later, this past Wednesday, 25-500miu/ml showed up well, but nothing discernible at 2000miu/ml. Maybe an incredibly faint line, but even the magnifying glass didn't help much. There was a shadow of a line at 10000miu/ml though, which is confusing; This test does seem to give many testers extremely light results so I'll be testing with my last one this weekend, and will hopefully see more definitive results.
6) I felt strong Corpus Luteum cyst pain on Tuesday, which I've never experienced before. And while I know it's common, reading online that if it bursts and you don't supplement with progesterone the pregnancy may not survive. Awesome.
7) Lastly is that I have basically zero symptoms. Like the twins' pregnancy where you'd think I'd have had something with my hCG levels being pretty high, I don't really have any PG symptoms. With Ally it wasn't much but they were there. All I have had is a cramp/heavy feeling a few times, and a heightened sense of smell. I'm tired, but I'm always tired. I had a moody moment, but it was durning a spat with J and justified. My bo.obs tingle here and there, but I've have that since Ally was born. I know that there usually isn't much in the way of symptoms early on, but I'm entering 6weeks and there is nothing remarkable to hang my hopes on. I should be grateful for lack of uncomfortable symptoms, but I'd be okay with a little indication from my body that things are on track. And most worrisome, I spotted the other day, pink/red spotting.
So, now I'm waiting once more... for the other shoe to drop.
1) I ovulated CD19, and an oldish egg doesn't bode well (the twins' egg was a CD21 release).
2) I POAS at 12dpo and thought just maaaaybeeee there was a positive line, though it was so nearly invisible it kind of came and went depending on how I tilted the stick. I POAS the next day, and basically saw the same thing- a nearly invisible, almost-line that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, so I dismissed the idea that these tests were positive. Even though Ally's 13dpo positive was light, it was there.
3) When I tested the next day, Sunday, at 14dpo I finally saw an actual positive, but it was still so much lighter than Ally's. Can you even see it in the pic?
I proceeded to test every morning and night for the next week. Yes, you read that correctly- not helping my total nutcase defense, I know :) The good news was that the tests seem to be darker at night, however they weren't getting any darker compared to each other. Not.at.all. I thought for sure my period would show up any day- or worse, it's ectopic. (The positive line did eventually darken by the next Sunday, but it just feels like it took too long to show anything remarkable.)
4) That first true BFP was Sunday, on Wednesday I received a few of these bad boys, and tested that night. The 25miu/ml and the 100miu/ml strips were visible, but the 500miu/ml was barely a shadow. I literally had to use a magnifying class to see it. This was not encouraging news at 16dpo. When I took another Detect5 test a week later, this past Wednesday, 25-500miu/ml showed up well, but nothing discernible at 2000miu/ml. Maybe an incredibly faint line, but even the magnifying glass didn't help much. There was a shadow of a line at 10000miu/ml though, which is confusing; This test does seem to give many testers extremely light results so I'll be testing with my last one this weekend, and will hopefully see more definitive results.
6) I felt strong Corpus Luteum cyst pain on Tuesday, which I've never experienced before. And while I know it's common, reading online that if it bursts and you don't supplement with progesterone the pregnancy may not survive. Awesome.
7) Lastly is that I have basically zero symptoms. Like the twins' pregnancy where you'd think I'd have had something with my hCG levels being pretty high, I don't really have any PG symptoms. With Ally it wasn't much but they were there. All I have had is a cramp/heavy feeling a few times, and a heightened sense of smell. I'm tired, but I'm always tired. I had a moody moment, but it was durning a spat with J and justified. My bo.obs tingle here and there, but I've have that since Ally was born. I know that there usually isn't much in the way of symptoms early on, but I'm entering 6weeks and there is nothing remarkable to hang my hopes on. I should be grateful for lack of uncomfortable symptoms, but I'd be okay with a little indication from my body that things are on track. And most worrisome, I spotted the other day, pink/red spotting.
So, now I'm waiting once more... for the other shoe to drop.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Catching Up :)
Well, it has been awhile- like a year and a half! First I suppose a little catch up is in order :)
Ally will be two-years-old in just 62 days and that seems impossible. Though I look at her baby pictures and I can hardly remember her being so small, and with dark hair!
Here are a few Ally pics from the last 1 1/2 years:
6 months ~ Nov 2010
Jan and Feb 2012
Wow, she really has changed! Ally has such a little personality. She has this cute giggle, silly laugh, gets into everything, and loves dancing, climbing, being chased and dragging mommy everywhere! We still feel extremely lucky with this little lady!
Adjusting to life as a SAHM has taken a lot more time than I anticipated though. I was feeling great about it during those early months, for the first year really- there was no way I could imagine teaching full-time with a baby. But as Ally grows older, more independent and has settled into a routine, the monotony can became overbearing! I know there are many moms who wish they could stay home with their child/ren, and I totally get it, but man did I go through some dark days. I started seeing a counselor and that has helped a lot. I've also started taking a sign language class, since teaching Ally baby signs really piqued my interest. I guess I just needed a bit of my own life back :)
Another big change was our move from GA to KS this past July- and we will be moving again this August... good times! KS has been good so far, though it was so hot this summer and the winter has been sooo mild I feel like we never left GA. I am also dreading tornado season- I am so scared! And while J is busy with work and classes, he is home so I can't complain!
In short we are all well, happy and healthy- definitely can't complain about that, and we are very thankful for how life has treated us!!
Though the biggest event of 2012 so far:
Ally will be two-years-old in just 62 days and that seems impossible. Though I look at her baby pictures and I can hardly remember her being so small, and with dark hair!
Here are a few Ally pics from the last 1 1/2 years:
6 months ~ Nov 2010
1 year ~ May 2011
18 months ~ Nov 2011
Jan and Feb 2012
Wow, she really has changed! Ally has such a little personality. She has this cute giggle, silly laugh, gets into everything, and loves dancing, climbing, being chased and dragging mommy everywhere! We still feel extremely lucky with this little lady!
Adjusting to life as a SAHM has taken a lot more time than I anticipated though. I was feeling great about it during those early months, for the first year really- there was no way I could imagine teaching full-time with a baby. But as Ally grows older, more independent and has settled into a routine, the monotony can became overbearing! I know there are many moms who wish they could stay home with their child/ren, and I totally get it, but man did I go through some dark days. I started seeing a counselor and that has helped a lot. I've also started taking a sign language class, since teaching Ally baby signs really piqued my interest. I guess I just needed a bit of my own life back :)
Another big change was our move from GA to KS this past July- and we will be moving again this August... good times! KS has been good so far, though it was so hot this summer and the winter has been sooo mild I feel like we never left GA. I am also dreading tornado season- I am so scared! And while J is busy with work and classes, he is home so I can't complain!
In short we are all well, happy and healthy- definitely can't complain about that, and we are very thankful for how life has treated us!!
Though the biggest event of 2012 so far:
EDD Nov 1, 2012
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