More Nervous Now

Seeing a real, live, moving, heart beating being on that u/s screen has made me even more nervous than before the u/s! In some ways I was expecting bad news at the u/s- I was more prepared to not see anything than to see a baby. Now the realization that something wonderful could truly be lost takes my breath away.

We also told our families about Baby. The timing just worked out. We headed up to see our families last week, and we took both sides all out to dinner where we gave each set of grandparents a framed pic of the u/s. We didn't tell them what it was, we just had them unwrap the frames. My stepmom, N, was the first to scream (I knew she would be!) then there was more screaming and crying. At that moment, my heart seemed to grow cold and I've begun shielding myself, readying for something tragic to happen. I didn't want to talk about Baby or baby stuff the rest of the time. It sounds silly, like I'm waiting for the bottom to fall out, but it's true. I think my anxiety stems from what happened last year, since it was after we told everyone that we found out there was no baby

I am still trying to focus on the positive. I read somewhere that 95% of pregnancies that had a viable u/s after 8w went to full-term. 95% is a great number, but it is hard to push that 5% out of my mind sometimes. If you think of all the babies born in a year, then 5% is still a lot of pregnancies that don't make it to full-term... I know, I know, I should stop worrying. I'm trying, but it's hard sometimes. Thankfully, I have my OB exam next Friday (I'll be 11w1d then) and the midwife should do another u/s, which will *hopefully* put my mind at ease a bit...

Hi Baby!

u/s Sept 21st - Baby 8w4d!

Yahoo for Internet Access!

J and I have made it back to the East Coast! It was a long week on the road, and arriving to a dirty house was no fun, but we made it in one piece. Our house is still empty since our stuff won't arrive until Sunday/Monday. Luckily, we've been hanging in Atlanta to attend the Mets vs. Braves series (J is a huge Mets fan, so he's not such a happy camper right now!) and that means hotel internet access- yahoo!

I am 8 weeks pregnant today! How odd to say that. I still don't totally believe it. I was able to beg my new OB clinic in GA to order an u/s for this coming Monday. Here's hoping that everything looks good, that there is a real, live baby growing inside of me. How strange that will be to see. I am pretty optimistic about the u/s, expect I have a feeling I will completely freak-out beforehand. I have still been feeling crampy every now and then, and I am telling myself not to think bad thoughts since I know that is normal, but I still have a fear of seeing bright red blood when I use the loo. I'm thinking that growing uterus means growing baby. So far, that's working... I just hope I'm right. I also started to feel sick at 6w3d-- I mean I felt like crap for about 2 days and finally broke-down and told my BFFs so I could get some advice. K told me to eat every few hours, even if I didn't feel hungry and that as helped a lot, so thankfully I feel much better! Oh, and I got up FIVE times the other night to pee, crazy.

We get internet hooked-up soon, so if all goes well at the u/s on Monday maybe I'll have a pic to post soon!

6 weeks

I am 6 weeks today! So far, so good. I'm still not really having many symptoms. My boobs get sore, I cramp every now & again, my heartburn is acting up, and I'm pretty tired. That's about it. I know it is early, and more symptoms are probably on the way. I'm really trying to stay positive about this pregnancy. I want to think ahead and make plans, I want to tell people, but at the same time I'm still nervous that things will go terribly wrong. I'm very anxious to have an early u/s done. Thankfully, our impending cross-country move is keeping my brain pretty occupied- though, I'm hoping to make an ob/gyn appointment as soon as we arrive in GA!