Ummm, Yea...

Time is seriously going lightening fast. I barely even have time to read blogs, let alone write one! How do other people do it??? I want to know their secret! I seem to have very little "baby-free" time to do anything for myself, which is not a complaint, but when I do get a little time I usually spend it sitting mindlessly watching TV or showering :o) I'd love to say that I squeeze every second out of every moment by actually getting anything done, but in truth my time is spent with Ally and it flies by! Maybe you'll forgive me if I post a video of our little cutie :o)

3 Months!

Our little lady is already 3 months old! How did that happen?!? Ally is getting so big- trying to sit up on her own (she does pretty well with our help) and starting to giggle! Ally had professional pictures taken yesterday and we got some adorable pics until little Miss started to meltdown (she was soooo tired since she'd skipped her morning nap, again!). Oh well, such is life with a baby!

How cute is she!!!


12 Weeks


10 Weeks

Still Reading!

Even though I'm not able to write lately, I do stop by and see how others are doing- thank you iPhone! I'll probably continue my hiatus, but I've found a minute while Ally naps to update :o) Ally is 13 weeks old tonight, which seems impossible! I also fully admit to not putting Ally down long enough to type something up! She's just so darn cute I can't help but snuggle her all day long! Laundry? Dishes? They'll still be there tomorrow, but our little girl is growing right before our eyes and we're busy watching it happen! I am extremely thankful that I am able to be with her all day. Ally is making all kinds of fun sounds, getting louder and generally finding her voice. She's grabbing at things and likes holding onto the burp cloth or her bib or your shirt- whatever she happens to come across and then putting it into her mouth ;o) There has even been a little hair pulling! She is very observant- looking around soaking it all in, and she loves looking at your face, "talking" and smiling at you. She's all smiles when I peek into her co-sleeper and she's also starting some big-girl-baby things like holding her ear or twirling her hair when she's feeding. Melts my heart! Ally's alter ego is affectionately known as "The Milk-Monster." When she gets hungry, watch out! When she is stopped to be burped, you better cover your ears! Other than that, she is such a good girl and we count ourselves very lucky! Even though it has only been three short months since her birth, J & I look back at Ally's first pictures with awe- was she really ever that little?!?! Time really is flying by...

Would you be able to put that sweet angel down? I don't think so!


Love the leggings and that cute face!

2 Months!!

Umm, how the h-e-l-l is it July already??!! I wish I had more time to write, but pics will have to do :o)

1 Month Old!

Holy crap time is flying by...

Still Here

I'm still here, everyone is good- just very tired and adjusting to our new life! My DH was home for a week, and then my mom has been here for this week, but I'm on my own starting Monday and I am scared out of my mind! Wish us luck!

Waiting No Longer!

Alexandria was born Wednesday night at 10:11pm! She weighed 7lbs 13oz, is 20.5in long and has a full head of hair- which is the big shocker since J and I had blond wisps at birth! We are all doing well, exhausted, but well...

5/5/10

40 Week Belly!!!

Hard to believe the shirt and pj bottoms still fit (barely!), but here we are at 40 weeks! Do you think Baby has dropped any compared to the 38 week pic??

Due Date, Shmoo Date!

It's Baby's "due date." Today is the estimated day Baby would be born if we were taken out of a textbook scenario :o)

We had our 40w appointment today and Baby's heartbeat sounded great. We're measuring on track and the midwife did a cervical check. I, however, asked not to be told where we are at since it doesn't mean jack- there is no way to predict when Baby will make her grand entrance, only she knows when she's ready! If for some reason Baby still hasn't arrived by our appointment next Wednesday then we'll talk about intervening, but there is no rush since Baby appears to be just fine.

39 Week Update

How far along? 39w 1d

Total weight gain? apx 27lbs

Maternity clothes? Oh yea!

Stretch marks? Added a few more to the belly this week. Oh well, they will fade... eventually!

Sleep? Oddly, I've been sleeping better lately. Deeper sleep at least.

Food cravings? Still nothing.

Belly button? Almost all the way out.

Gender? Girl.

Labor signs? Nothing so far.

Best moment this week? Continuing to feel Baby move around. She has the hiccups about twice a day. So funny!

What I miss most? Being able to lie on my back ;o)

What I look forward to? An easy labor- hey, a girl can dream!!

Milestones? Getting closer to meeting Baby!

39 weeks

38 Week Belly

Still feeling really well. The only pregnancy hiccup I may have to deal with is gingivitis, I have a dentist appoint on Monday because my gums are bothering me, but if that's all I have to contend with I'll take it!

Baby sounded good at our 38w appointment yesterday and the belly was even measuring a little ahead. Oh! And I actually lost a pound from last week- must have been ditching all that Easter candy we had in the house!

Here's the belly in all its glory at 38w2d :o)

37 Week Update

How far along? 37w 1d

Total weight gain? apx 25lbs

Maternity clothes? Absolutely, even had to go buy more t-shirts since Mother Nature turned up the heat on us last week (umm, Mother Nature why is it 90 the first week of April?!?).

Stretch marks? A few, not too bad so far.

Sleep? Not great. I'm usually up every hour or so to pee.

Food cravings? None really, but man did I eat a LOT of Easter candy this week!

Belly button? Slowly making its way out.

Gender? Girl. Unless Baby plans on surprising us!

Labor signs? None so far.

Best moment this week? Just continuing to feel Baby move around :o)

What I miss most? Being able to sleep on my back or get into a really comfy position at night.

What I look forward to? Meeting Baby.

Milestones? We're basically full-term and I'm just so grateful we've made it to this point.

On a sad note, we found out this week that a couple from our birthing class had their baby boy March 23 but that he passed away April 1. The pregnancy went great, no complications and baby was full term, but he was in respiratory distress at birth. He was diagnosed with lactic acidosis (his body couldn't breakdown glucose, a fatal genetic glitch), and spent his short life in the NICU before his little heart gave out... My heart breaks for this family, I just don't even know how I would make it through what they are enduring...

36 Weeks

How is it possible that we will be having a baby in apx 4 weeks??!! Time is flying by and it's getting a little scary! Everyone keeps asking me if we're ready to which I respond "as ready as we'll ever be!" I have become okay with the fact that we'll never be fully ready, life is gonna change and it's gonna change fast! If we forgot something or don't have enough of something, then oh well- it's not the end of the world. We've also accomplished quite a bit in the last two weeks: crib built, car seat bases in, glider delivered, changing station set up, swing assembled, more baby laundry, hospital bag is started, etc. Being able to continually check things off of our "To Do" list helps with my zen calm. I still might completely freak out in two weeks time, but I reserve that right as the crazy pregnant lady!

We had our 36w appointment on Wednesday and Baby continues to be doing great. Her heartbeat's still around 160bpm and she was head down. I think she's still changing positions though, but more side-to-side than anything else. We start seeing the CNM every week from here on out!

Here's the belly @ 36w - It's no wonder people keep asking me if I'm due soon!

35/35

35 weeks and 35 days to go, approximately of course! This 8th month has gone by way too quickly, I can't believe I'll be entering my 9th month. Even harder to believe that we will have a little baby in our arms soon!

34 Week Belly

34w

And for your viewing pleasure - a bird's eye view of the 34w belly :o)

34 Weeks! Eeeek!

34 weeks pregnant, wow! I really can't believe we have gotten this far (though I'm still worried something tragic will happen to take it all away). The baby ticker says 42 days to go, and I admit I'm starting to freak out a little. I don't feel prepared- for labor & delivery, for the first few days, weeks, months and beyond. I know there is no way to be 100% prepared, but eeek!

I'm definitely getting bigger. My weight gain has been pretty good, but I've gained 3lbs in the last two weeks alone. That's not a good trend! I have been craving lots of sweet lately, so lots of baking has been done which obviously doesn't help the weight gain! Getting up and around is a bit trickier too. I also had to invest in some slip-on shoes since tying my sneaks has become a joke :o) Baby is getting bigger too, that's for sure. Her movements can get pretty uncomfortable sometimes, but I still watch my belly in awe!

Sleep is getting more difficult. I'm waking up a lot, mostly to pee, which is mystifying since I can go for long stretches of time during the day without hitting the bathroom, but wake up every 1.5 hours at night?? I also think maybe Baby is waking me up, then I realize my hip aches or something and I have to reposition myself, then fall asleep again, etc, etc, etc.

Food is getting tricky too. Either I'm eating something that doesn't agree with me or my stomach is very squished or it's the lack of sleep, but something is causing my tummy to not feel so well... It's been a game of trial and error with certain foods, though I think I figured out that fruit juices are just too acidic for me right now, and I feel sick a few hours afterwards. That's my hypothesis for today anyway.

Overall, I've been very lucky this pregnancy and have really loved being pregnant. I may be jinxing myself, but I don't care, it's true and I think I'll even miss it a bit when it's over, but I am so excited to welcome our beautiful little baby to this (very big, very scary, but wonderful) world!

32 Weeks!

I had my 32 week check-up last Friday, and Baby's heart rate was really high since she was dancing around so much. The mid-wife wanted to make sure that everything was normal, so I had to sit for a N0n-Stress Test for a longer observation. I was really nervous that something was wrong. Her heart rate would go into the high 180s, then when she calmed down it went back to her "normal" of 160ish, then she started boomeranging around again and it went back up then back down once she was done. All I kept thinking was "please let everything be okay," it would be just my luck to go in for a routine appointment and end up in L&D or something. Conclusion: one excited baby, probably due to the juice I drank about an hour earlier. Thankfully we were given the "all good" and sent on our way. Phew...

32 week belly!

Hiccups!

While I was lying in bed yesterday morning I noticed that my belly was moving in a rhythmic thump, thump- it was so cool! There has been only one other time where I *think* I felt baby hiccups, but this was for sure and I just laid in bed till they stopped :o) In fact, I waste so much of my day just watching my belly move! As much as I want to meet our little one, I will be sad when this special time is over...

What a Difference a Year Makes

March 1, 2009

I still think about Baby P often, and about how we would have a one-year-old now. I still miss Baby P too, and I'm sure I always will. No matter how many healthy children we have that will never change. A piece of my heart is gone forever.

Today, I am thankful for all we have now and the beautiful baby on the way. I am thankful that on this March 1st the happy in my life outweighs the sad, and I really can't ask for more than that...

30 Week Belly

Holy moly- I'm going to be HUGE by 40 weeks!

My First Award!

Thank you MJ for the nomination!

Here's what I have to do:

* Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog

* Copy the award and paste it to your blog

* Tell us 7 interesting things about yourself

And finally:

* Nominate 3 bloggers that you love and link to their blog

Hmmm... seven interesting things about me:

1) I resisted becoming a teacher. It wasn't until 4 months after college graduation that I realized it was something I did want- now it's hard to imagine not being a teacher.

2) I have two brothers named Michael- my biological brother and my stepbrother.

3) I never thought I'd be a military spouse.

4) I love women's history- suffragists, women of WWII, 50's housewives, feminist movement, etc.

5) I try my best to be kind to the environment and am very concerned with human impact on the environment.

6) I love to bake, but hate the clean up so don't do it very often!

7) Growing up I didn't want to be a stay-at-home-wife/mom, but now I am so thankful that I can be for a few years.

My nominations:

Shanny @ I Did, I Do, I Will

Hope @ Hoping in Houston

SS @ Still No Explanation

28 Week Belly

The pj bottoms finally had to go under the belly :o)

Hello 3rd Trimester!

I am 28 weeks pg today- how did that happen? I really have a baby growing in my belly? That funky movement isn't gas? It still seems totally impossible. I'm into the 3rd trimester- I wonder when it will start to feel real... I still have times where I forget that I'm pg!

Had a routine check-up today, and Baby still sounds good with a heart rate at 159bpm, love that she is consistent on that front! Only gained 2lbs in the last 4 weeks, which I'm also loving :o) I'm sure I'll pack on the pounds soon enough, but given my life-long struggle with weight I really thought I'd be a (even bigger) heifer by now!

26w Belly

25 Week Update

How far along? 25w 1d

Total weight gain? apx 15lbs

Maternity clothes? Yup, pretty much exclusively

Stretch marks? None on my belly... yet

Sleep? Better, but I really need to get into a better bedtime routine

Food cravings? None really

Belly button? Still in, but making its way out

Gender? Girl!

Labor signs? None, thank goodness!!

Best moment this week? Feeling Baby move around and starting to "see" her movements on the outside of my belly

What I miss most? Nothing really, though it is getting harder to do basic things like tie my shoes quickly

What I look forward to? J being able to feel Baby's movements (she seems to stop moving whenever he puts his hands on my belly!)

Milestones? Pretty excited to make it to 25 weeks and can't believe our 3rd Tri is around the corner!

On a Happier Note

Updated belly pics...

Happy Holidays! 22w3d @ my Mom's

24w!

Does the Worrying Ever Stop?

I think probably not...

Even though I started this pregnancy pretty calm and cool, realizing that the success of this pregnancy is pretty much out of my control (except for the obvious dangerous behaviors), but the further we go along, the more and more scared I am becoming that something is going to go terribly wrong. Which seems kind of opposite of how most pregnant women probably feel given how much the odds improve over time.

Before I could feel any movement, I was constantly anticipating it- willing it happen to feel reassured that she was okay. Then around the middle of week 19, the night before our big u/s actually, I started to feel her. Not big movements, but distinct. The movement was very inconsistent, feeling her some days more than others, but always getting stronger. I could rationalize that she was still so small and that this was normal. Then around 22 weeks she had a few days where I didn't feel her much at all, and then finally some good strong movement for days. I rationalized this by thinking she had been going through a growth spurt, plus the fact that I have an anterior placenta.

Since that lull, I have started to see movement on the outside of my belly and have consistently felt her move around when I'm laying in bed at night or in the morning- but not last night, or this morning. Yesterday I only felt some slight movement, very little at night, and I was so tired last night I pretty much passed out. Then I woke up this morning and nothing. I won't lie- I freaked out!!! I laid in bed a few minutes waiting, but worked myself into such a worry that I jumped up to eat something, thinking that our blood sugar must be kind of low. So I downed a bagel, a cookie, some water, and sat down to write. I have felt 2 slight movements in the time I have been writing, so I just poured myself a small glass of coke. Yup, I am attempting to hype up my baby with caffeine to make myself feel better, even given that we just had an u/s on Tuesday where she looked great.

Where does all this crazy come from? Well, there is the obvious- already losing a pregnancy, but that's not all of it. Though, a large portion of worry does come from reading the pregnancy loss boards I used to frequent after the m/c. Since the board didn't have a distinction between early and late loss, there were so many heartbreaking stories of moms who lost their babies long after the statistics said they would. Another part of it comes from knowing too much, coming from a Health Sciences background doesn't help. Trust me, for some things in life ignorance really is bliss. There is so much that can go wrong in pregnancy. In fact, I am still in constant amazement that people even get pregnant "by accident" or that out of the hundreds of babies born every day the large majority of them are healthy. The last portion of crazy is my propensity for almost always seeing the glass as half empty. I usually don't think of myself as a worrier, just a realist but maybe there really isn't that much difference between the two.

For now, the coke has done its job and I have felt a few strong movements, which means J won't have to commit me to the mental ward- at least, not today...

Happy New Year!!!

Wishing everyone a fantastic 2010!!!

23 Week Update

How far along? 23w1d

Total weight gain? apx 15lbs, not really sure

Maternity clothes? yes, except for things like pjs

Stretch marks? around my bo.obs, which is weird since they don't seem any bigger!

Sleep? same: not great, but could be worse

Food cravings? not really

Belly button? mostly still in, but making its way out

Gender? girl, unless some parts have descended over the last month :o)

Labor signs? none, thankfully!!

Best moment this week? feeling Baby's movement getting stronger

What I miss most? nothing really

What I look forward to? another u/s on Tuesday!

Milestones? 5 months down, 4 more to go!

Home!

It feels so good to be home!

J and I headed up to see our families for about 10 (long) days. We know that every time we visit our days are going to be long and jammed packed, though this year wasn't too bad.

First came my baby shower on the 20th. It was a very nice shower, my moms really did a great job- lots of food, non cheesy games, etc. There were over 50 people there including my best friend K who came up from TX, 3 babies, 1 toddler, 1 preschooler and 3 very pregnant ladies all due around the New Year. In fact one of those ladies is now a momma- Her son was born on the 27th, very exciting! Overall the shower was a success, everyone commented on having a great time, everything was lovely, etc. Now, without meaning to sound ungrateful, I did end up returning about $300 worth of gifts... Why? Because only about 1/3 the guests bought gifts off the registry. I know it is not a prereq that people buy off the registry, but come on. This is our first baby, we need a lot of stuff- what we don't need are lots of cutesy outfits that Ally is only going to wear once. Plus, there were some serious themes to our registry: if there was an organic option it was on our registry and no plastic toys. Apparently only a few people picked up on that. I think I was mostly frustrated that I put so much time and research into creating our registry and people just seemed to ignored it... sigh. I know I sound like a snobby, unappreciative wench, but there it is.

The rest of the week was spent seeing friends & family and finishing up a bit of xmas shopping. We do a pretty good job of splitting up the actually holiday among our immediate family. We spent xmas eve with my Dad & Stepmoms' side, xmas morning with J's side, then xmas evening with my Mom & Stepdads' side. Then, around 10:30 xmas night J started puking. First we thought food poising, then we found out the next morning that there was a horrible stomach bug going around. Apparently J's cousins even brought their sick children to the family party!!! Poor thing was up most of the night puking, then spent the next day on the toilet. I felt so bad, since there wasn't much we could do except let it run its course. We've spent every day since hoping that I don't come down with it- guess time will tell!

J spent Sunday and Monday driving home with our animals and a very packed car, I flew back yesterday with 3 very heavy suitcases, but we got everything home~ which is a Christmas miracle unto itself :o)

Hope you and yours had a lovely holiday!!

21 Week Update

How far along? 21w!

Total weight gain? apx 10lbs, not sure haven't weighed myself at home lately

Maternity clothes? Yup, but they're still a bit loose so the Belly Band is still needed to keep my pants from slipping

Stretch marks? Just noticed them on my bo.obs today

Sleep? Same old: not great, but could be worse

Food cravings? None really- though I have been on a bagel binge lately!

Belly button? Still in, but making its way out I think

Gender? A girl!!

Labor signs? None, thankfully!!

Best moment this week? Feeling Baby move around a lot more

What I miss most? Still, a solid night's sleep

What I look forward to? Feeling Baby move around more consistently

Milestones? The big reveal u/s was awesome, though nerve wracking since the tech can't say if anything doesn't look okay, ugh!

20 Week Belly Pic

We're technically at the halfway point today... I can't even imagine how huge I will be by April!

20w pic ~ Deuce decided she wanted in on this one! :)

Drumroll please...

It's a girl!!!!

Alexandria Claire

Dec 8th u/s @ 19w5d (measuring 20w6d!)

OB Check-up

I had my monthly OB check-up today and everything continues to look good. Baby's heartbeat is still around 160bpm, which is neat. The midwife ordered an early gestational diabetes test for next week, blah. Lucky me, I get to down sickly sweet syrup, sit around for an hour and then have my blood drawn- whoohoo! Doesn't that sound awesome?!?

Our anatomy u/s is still on for this coming Tuesday, and we are very excited. According to the Chinese Gender Chart (which is said to be right 90% of the time... hmm) we are going to have a boy, BUT according to the Baby Heart Rate Predictor at a rate of 141bpm or higher we are going to have a girl. Anyone want to make their own prediction???

Annoyed

I received a call today from a receptionist at the Radiology Dept, informing me that they had to reschedule our "big reveal" u/s because the tech was going to be out sick Thursday... Umm, how does someone know they are going to be out sick 3 days in advance??? They better have a doctor's note saying they are contagious and can't go back to work until next week!!! Anyhoo, we now have an appointment for next Tuesday afternoon... let's hope they don't have to reschedule again because I will be one unhappy pregnant lady!!!

Updated Questionnaire

How far along? 18w3d!

Total weight gain? apx 10lbs- some weeks nothing, some I lose, some I gain...

Maternity clothes? most of the time, and I definitely need another pair of mat jeans- my one pair are getting a lot of wear!

Stretch marks? none that I've noticed

Sleep? not great, but could be worse

Food cravings? none really- though I need to eat healthier

Belly button? still in

Gender? hopefully we'll find out Thursday!!!!

Labor signs? none, thank goodness!

Best moment this week? I *think* I've felt Baby move once or twice, but I'm not sure of that's just in my head or not :o)

What I miss most? a solid night's sleep

What I look forward to? finding out if there is a boy or a girl in there!

Milestones? realizing we're almost halfway to term- wow...

Happy Thanksgiving!

18w belly pic!

Let the Belly Pics Begin!

Well, I guess it's time to share the belly pics I've taken so far. I started at 12 weeks, since there really wasn't any difference to be discerned yet. Still not a lot of change, but a bit noticeable. Though, I must admit I never thought the day would come when I'd post pictures of my stomach on the internet :o)

12 weeks

14 weeks

16w3d

16 weeks!

I can't believe how quickly time is flying by! I'm in my 4th month and that seems crazy... I'm "stealing" these update questions from the other pg bloggers out there :o)

How Far Along: 16w1d

Total Weight Gain: apx 8lbs, give or take
Maternity Clothes: most of the time- because they are so much more comfortable!
Stretch Marks: none that are pregnancy related
Sleep: so-so. most nights it takes awhile to fall asleep, then after I do I wake up multiple times
Best Moment This Week: letting the reality sink in that we are actually going to have a baby
Food Cravings: not really
Sex: do dreams count?? (oh, maybe they meant gender, hehe- oops! We should find out in a few weeks!)
Labor Signs: thankfully, no!
Belly Button: no change
What I Miss The Most: sleeping through the night, though I need to get used to that I suppose
What I Look Forward To The Most: hopefully feeling Baby move around soon!
Milestones: getting to hear Baby's heartbeat through the doppler at my last appt!

Happy Halloween!

Our pumpkin family

In front we have 4 tiny pumpkins for our 2 birds & 2 cats

Then there's me, baby and J :o)

Hello 2nd Trimester!

Holy moly- time flies! I can hardly believe that I am 13w3days pg. It still feels very surreal. I'm feeling good most of the time, can go a lot longer without snacking, so I don't have to eat every hour just to feel semi-normal. Whoo-hoo! The stuffy nose has begun, and there are still a few trips to the loo daily, but I can deal. I'm totally not complaining! I'm not really showing, mostly because I was already overweight to start with, but my lower abdomen feels tighter (for lack of a better term) and it's getting hard to "suck it in." And, there are days I definitely need the bellyband or maternity pants- which I recently bought on awesome sale at Kohls!

Overall, life's pretty quiet. I need to get into a routine since I'm starting to feel like a major mooching SAHW! My sleeping pattern is all messed-up and I sleep-in way too late, and am not getting much done most days. I'm totally lazy! I am however starting to feel the nesting need kick in. Probably because I've started our registry- my shower is going to be in Dec since I don't want to travel again after the holidays. Registering is stressful! Though, I did call on my mommy friends to get their advice on what is truly necessary and what to skip and that was helpful. I'm taking any real-life advice I can get!

E's Monkey has arrived!

E had her baby girl about a week ago! Introducing Baby Rose, aka Monkey :o)

Isn't she adorable!?!

BellaBand

The time has come- I have broken out the bellaband! The other night there was just no way my jeans were going to fit comfortably. So at 11w2d I wore my beband for the first time. I'm surprised I held out this long- I really thought I'd need it sooner considering I'm eating so frequently to keep the m/s at bay! Whoohoo for the bellaband!

Baby Looking Great!

I had my OB exam today @ 11w1d. The office called me two days ago to reschedule my appt since the mid-wife wouldn't be in for some reason and instead of waiting till next week they got me another appt with a doc. Okay, no big deal. I was kind of looking forward to meeting the mid-wife, but we still have lots of time and appts to get to know each other.

So, I get up at 7am (ugh that was early, I'm spoiled in my new role as housewife) and we leave at 8:30 to get there at 9:30. Even though my appt is at 10, they were adamant about being a 1/2 hour early. I check-in right on time at 9:25 and have a seat with J. Time goes by and I start to realize that women checking-in after me are being called back. Since I used to work in a very busy clinic I rationalized that these other women must be seeing different docs, have emergencies, etc. Well, by 10:12 after four women have come and gone before me, I'm thinking something's not right, so I kindly ask the receptionist about it. She looks at the clock, says they're a little behind. I don't believe her. By 10:38 a total of eight women have come and gone before me and my hormones start taking over. I'm so frustrated that I'm nearly in tears (lovely not being able to control your own emotions!). Then I notice her talking to a nurse, then looking at me. Then the nurse looks at me and walks down the hall. She quickly comes back and calls my name. Turns out the receptionist put my file in the wrong place!

The nice nurse who I saw at my last appt takes me back, preps me and apologizes about the mix-up. Fine, it happens... Moving on, it turns out that I won't be seeing a female doc, I'll be seeing a male doc. Umm, not comfortable with that change! I haven't had a male doc give me a full exam since I was 12 and stopped seeing my pediatrician- because he was male! The doc seems nice enough, and I'm so nervous about getting to the u/s that I just say "okay" and get on with it. In the end, no big deal, but if one more thing were to change I would have had a hormonal meltdown!

Then comes the u/s. The nurse gets J and he joins us. It takes the doc a bit to find Baby (in which time both J and I had mini heart attacks), then finally I start to make out a little figure moving around. Of course the u/s probe is crap and there is a big "cloud" over the image, but we see Baby a bit and get to hear the heartbeat again. I think that is when I finally exhaled! The pic we got is not so good, but we've been spoiled by the awesome shots from the 1st u/s :o)

Here's Baby at 11w1d!

When I got home I decided that it was time to tell the world the good news, so I posted it on Fbook. Funny, now I'm the one posting "baby" pics for all to see... how strange...

Moving On

So, I'm over my little hissy-fit. Whatever happens with the families, it will be fine. It's all about mindset, right?

Moving on- I am extremely nervous about my appointment on Friday. I keep having these horrible thoughts that everything is going to end badly. I have this sense of impending doom. I know it's totally irrational though I can't really help my crazy thoughts, so I do my best to push them out of my mind by distracting myself. One of my favorite pastimes lately is perusing baby sites. Some favorites are babyearth.com and buybuybaby.com, which is where SIL, S, is registered. I bought her gifts today so that's one thing checked off my To Do list (this list gets exponentially longer everyday, how does that happen??). Then I went searching for eco-friendly gift wrap and came across this site: nashvillewraps.com, which is awesome! Apparently I'll be buying in bulk but that's okay since I'll feel so much better about wrapping gifts!

Aside from my crazy thoughts, this pregnancy is going pretty well overall I think. I'm feeling crappy again. The sick feeling went away for about a week, but has come back around. I hear this is normal- for symptoms to come and go. I feel like I should probably eat or I'm hungry, but nothing sounds remotely appealing, or if it does and I eat it, it doesn't taste like I thought it would and I still feel sick. Ugh. Still getting up a bit at night to pee and still have a mild cramp here and there. I don't mind any of these, they actually put my mind at ease a little. Especially the cramping since it's different than the round ligament pain, I figure baby must still be growing if my ute is. I hope so...

Completely Unrelated

On a non-baby note, I am in need of a vent!

So, J and I have always passed on going home for Thanksgiving since we go up nearly a month later in Dec. This doesn't bother us, we don't mind since we usually have friends we celebrate with. Well, this year we invited my mom and stepdad because my brother and his pregnant wife flipped holidays since S is due 2 weeks after the New Year, and they didn't think it would be smart to go out-of-town. Makes sense to me, and so I told my mom and stepdad they should come here instead of being alone (they have extended family, but no one immediate near by). So, my mom bought their tickets. Then J decided that it wouldn't be fair to invite only one set of parents and not the others- yes, that is plural since we have my dad & stepmom plus his parents. I disagreed, since everyone else had close family they could be with. J won, and I really didn't think that they'd all come down. Well, guess what? It looks like all SIX parents are coming. I am not happy. Technically we have a place for everyone to sleep, but it will be very cramped- not to mention annoying as f**k. If it were only for 3 days, okay whatever, but since the airport is 1.5 hours away J's parents want to coordinate with my mom, which means they'd be here 6 days!!! I might end up killing someone. I really wish we could just tell the other parents, that it was a fake invite- we really didn't expect them to come, but of course we can't. I tried to express to J's stepdad that Wed-Sat would be best since my mom was really planning on some alone time with me/us. I don't know if it worked. Now, I love my parents and I like J's, but I can only handle so much at one time. I can see getting so annoyed/frustrated/claustrophobic that I explode. Truly, this is a possibility. Plus, my mom and stepdad didn't sign-up for this, and are now contemplating not coming, which I totally understand, but feel terrible about since this whole thing started so they wouldn't spend the holiday alone.

I realize we (actually J) got ourselves into this and we need to deal, I just hope that I will remember this 30 years from now when our children invite us for a holiday!

More Nervous Now

Seeing a real, live, moving, heart beating being on that u/s screen has made me even more nervous than before the u/s! In some ways I was expecting bad news at the u/s- I was more prepared to not see anything than to see a baby. Now the realization that something wonderful could truly be lost takes my breath away.

We also told our families about Baby. The timing just worked out. We headed up to see our families last week, and we took both sides all out to dinner where we gave each set of grandparents a framed pic of the u/s. We didn't tell them what it was, we just had them unwrap the frames. My stepmom, N, was the first to scream (I knew she would be!) then there was more screaming and crying. At that moment, my heart seemed to grow cold and I've begun shielding myself, readying for something tragic to happen. I didn't want to talk about Baby or baby stuff the rest of the time. It sounds silly, like I'm waiting for the bottom to fall out, but it's true. I think my anxiety stems from what happened last year, since it was after we told everyone that we found out there was no baby

I am still trying to focus on the positive. I read somewhere that 95% of pregnancies that had a viable u/s after 8w went to full-term. 95% is a great number, but it is hard to push that 5% out of my mind sometimes. If you think of all the babies born in a year, then 5% is still a lot of pregnancies that don't make it to full-term... I know, I know, I should stop worrying. I'm trying, but it's hard sometimes. Thankfully, I have my OB exam next Friday (I'll be 11w1d then) and the midwife should do another u/s, which will *hopefully* put my mind at ease a bit...

Hi Baby!

u/s Sept 21st - Baby 8w4d!

Yahoo for Internet Access!

J and I have made it back to the East Coast! It was a long week on the road, and arriving to a dirty house was no fun, but we made it in one piece. Our house is still empty since our stuff won't arrive until Sunday/Monday. Luckily, we've been hanging in Atlanta to attend the Mets vs. Braves series (J is a huge Mets fan, so he's not such a happy camper right now!) and that means hotel internet access- yahoo!

I am 8 weeks pregnant today! How odd to say that. I still don't totally believe it. I was able to beg my new OB clinic in GA to order an u/s for this coming Monday. Here's hoping that everything looks good, that there is a real, live baby growing inside of me. How strange that will be to see. I am pretty optimistic about the u/s, expect I have a feeling I will completely freak-out beforehand. I have still been feeling crampy every now and then, and I am telling myself not to think bad thoughts since I know that is normal, but I still have a fear of seeing bright red blood when I use the loo. I'm thinking that growing uterus means growing baby. So far, that's working... I just hope I'm right. I also started to feel sick at 6w3d-- I mean I felt like crap for about 2 days and finally broke-down and told my BFFs so I could get some advice. K told me to eat every few hours, even if I didn't feel hungry and that as helped a lot, so thankfully I feel much better! Oh, and I got up FIVE times the other night to pee, crazy.

We get internet hooked-up soon, so if all goes well at the u/s on Monday maybe I'll have a pic to post soon!

6 weeks

I am 6 weeks today! So far, so good. I'm still not really having many symptoms. My boobs get sore, I cramp every now & again, my heartburn is acting up, and I'm pretty tired. That's about it. I know it is early, and more symptoms are probably on the way. I'm really trying to stay positive about this pregnancy. I want to think ahead and make plans, I want to tell people, but at the same time I'm still nervous that things will go terribly wrong. I'm very anxious to have an early u/s done. Thankfully, our impending cross-country move is keeping my brain pretty occupied- though, I'm hoping to make an ob/gyn appointment as soon as we arrive in GA!

Back Home

It so good to be home!

J and I traveled to the Baltimore/Annapolis area for a wedding this past weekend. It was great, but very exhausting. Taking out travel-time, we spent only 40 hours there! In that time we: went to Chilis for lunch, shopping for a belt & DHA supplements, took the scenic byway to the wedding, attended the wedding, met bride, groom & others for brunch the next morning, visited the Baltimore Aquarium, toured some old ships, and finally met-up with some friends before heading to the airport. It was crazy, but fun!

Now we have the next week to mentally and physically prepare for our move cross-country. Movers take over our house the 8th & 9th, and if we haven't separated out what we want to take with us, then it will be packed up and we won't see it again for a few weeks. Very stressful making sure we have everything we want/need for 2+ weeks.

On the pregnancy front, it still doesn't feel real. I'm so excited when my breasts are sore (which only happens every so often), because at least I'm feeling something. Other than that- nada. I guess I should be thankful, but it just makes me wonder if everything is going okay. I know every one experiences different symptoms, but I can't help but be a little worried. I'm sure everything is fine, I just wish I had some proof that it was ;o)

On a Side Note

I mentioned in July that a masseuse found a lump on my back that she thought I should get checked out. I fully admit to procrastinating about getting it looked at, but I finally did yesterday.

The verdict? A non-capsulated lipoma (fatty tumor). The doc is not worried at all. *Big sigh of relief* Though, he said to have J check it every so often to see if it changes. He also said that it might change size during the pregnancy because of all the hormones. I'm just glad he's not concerned, but the hypochondriac in me left the office thinking: "Maybe he didn't check the right lump..."

2nd Beta...

749!

I was hoping for something around 300! I know it really shouldn't matter (especially since last year my levels reached 38,000 even with no baby) but that number is music to my ears.

It still feels completely impossible that I am pregnant, even though I have the betas and manyHPTs as proof. We are excited, if not a little jaded. I knew that the second time around would not be as carefree as the first, though I am surprised at how optimistic I feel- most of the time. I still have the nagging realities hanging over my head and those are hard to shake sometimes, but I'm doing my best. In a strange twist, I don't feel the same pressure to be perfect this pregnancy. I guess because I know that there was absolutely nothing I could have done differently last time. It is completely out of my control (maybe besides, you know, drinking heavily and doing drugs). I've eaten blue cheese, drank caffeinated coke. I know- I'm a rebel! But last time I was ultra careful and aware of every little thing I ate, drank or did. It's sort of liberating to just take things one day at a time. I'm aware of what could go wrong, but I'm trying to focus on everything that could go right.

Just for fun I took the fancy-shmancy digital HPT too :o)

Shock, Awe and Nerves

To say we are shocked is a huge understatement!!! I only tested to stop my crazy imagination from making up PG symptoms. I was having to pee more than the 20 week preggo M who was staying with us, and I kept laughing at myself since there was *no way* I was PG. Then I abruptly started crying over this little thing, and I kept thinking "I'm not really that upset, why am I crying?" but figured it was PMS. Guess not!

J got home Aug 1st, and of course we spent his first few days home making up for being apart the past 7 months :o) I wasn't even using my CBEFM to track my O this cycle. I figured it wouldn't be much fun to put us on a FWP schedule right when the poor guy gets home! Then on Aug 6, CD15, I had O pangs. CDfreaking15!!!! I have not O'd that early in the 2+ years I've been off BCP. CD15 is one full week before I normally O. Crazy.

Here's how it breaks down in my mind:

• Apparently, BDing every day worked better than an every-other-day schedule. Hmm...
• It was my left ovary's "turn" (plus I only had mild O pangs, not my usual painful right side pangs) and that's the side open for business.
• CD15 means fresh egg and lining compared to my usual old, crusty CD22+ egg and lining.
• We weren't thinking about getting PG at all, just making up for lost time.
• UPDATED THOUGHTS- maybe the Clomid from last cycle had an impact on how early I ovulated this cycle? Maybe the HSG in Jun helped clear the way a bit?

I'm still in a constant state of shock. I want to be excited, but I am also very nervous. I keep expecting AF to start every time I go to the bathroom. My beta drawn yesterday at 3w6d was 65. Which I think is a pretty respectable number considering how early it is, but the nurse wants another drawn on Monday, which is fine with me! I am keeping my fingers crossed for a number over 260 by then. Please, please, please let everything be alright this time around...

So...

I've been a bad blogger. My deepest apologies to the 3 people who read this blog :o)

So, things have been a bit busy. J came home and it took us a good week to get reacquainted and back in tune. Had lots of "us" time. It was great. Then J sprung on me that he invited his cousin and wife, J&M, out to stay with us! Fine, whatever. This is J's favorite cousin and they hadn't seen each other in almost 2 years. Oh, and M is 20 weeks *oops* pregnant... very happy for them-it was just that at this point last year I was physically miscarrying. Not really psyched to be around a pregnant lady 24/7. Nevertheless, it was a great time. We took them to experience the sites and sounds of the surrounding area, and the 5 days flew by. 

I had been feeling pretty low. Both my cousins had their babies last week (one day apart!), my SIL has been posting lots of belly pics, then hosting a pregnant lady. I was this close to writing a "poor, pitiful me" entry yesterday. I'm glad I didn't, because: 

13dpo

I'M PREGNANT!!!

On Hold

Life is on hold a bit these days. I've spent the last week waiting for word on when J is suppose to get back to the states, then was surprised to have him call me yesterday from TN! J should be home in a day or two...YAHOO!!! 

Once he does get home, our move is going to come on fast and furious, so I might be MIA for a bit. Plus J's been gone for 7 months, and I'm expecting we'll lock ourselves in the bedroom!

PS: A major heat wave has settled over the Pac NW and it is HOT: My car read 106º today, and a/c is not standard out here- I had to go to a movie last night just to cool down!

As predicted:

AF arrived today. Lovely cramps too. Wow, I am one lucky girl!

13dpIUI

Got a BFN this morning. Not surprised, but still disappointed. I expect AF today or tomorrow. 

One year ago today is also the day we found out there was no Baby P. Today was the day my heart broke, and it hasn't been whole since. 

I actually waited to test till today thinking maybe my luck would have changed and that I could have a happy memory on this day instead. I really wanted to see a BFP this morning. I stood there willing it to appear, but it didn't and today is still a sad day...

10dpIUI

Just sitting here, twiddling my thumbs...

Thankfully, my trip to CA did make the past week fly by, though now I am back to the waiting game. I don't have much faith that this IUI worked, but it is hard to not think about the slight possibility it did. I bought a box of 2 HPT tests, but I am waiting until the 22nd to POAS. I *think* I can wait till then because day after day of seeing a BFN is depressing. 

Other than the 2ww life is pretty boring. J should be getting home soon, so I have a lot of cleaning and organizing to do before he brings home his boxes and duffle bags full of dirty, dusty stuff for which we'll have to clean and find a place for (fun times!). I am so ready for him to be home!!!

4dpIUI

Trigger is out, which is good to know, and I shouldn't even go near another HPT until Jul 23rd. We'll see if I can make it, I probably won't! I'm in the lovely 2ww, and time is going by very slooooowly. 

Luckily, I'm visiting friends in CA starting tomorrow through Friday, which should make the time fly by. The friends I'm visiting are part of the "we all got PG the same week" group from last year, so their little guy is the same age Baby P would be, and I think I'm going to be okay with that. I spent last Friday at the zoo with my PG friend E, our former co-worker, T and T's 1 year-old twin boys. They are adorable! I got to sit in the backseat with them and they just melted my heart. I was also holding one of them the majority of the day, even baby L who is finicky with strangers took to me quickly. I was called "The Baby Whisperer" more than once, which was kind of bittersweet. Both of my friends know about the m/c and E knows what we've been dealing with since. I think she took pity on me and let me hog the boys. I couldn't help myself, they're just so darn cute!!!

As for the lump on my back, I've decided to wait until after the 2ww incase the IUI's 5% chance of working actually, well worked. I'm not going to worry until I get it looked at and a doc tells me it's something to worry about. Plus, I'd rather wait till J gets home Aug 1 incase it is serious. I don't want to go through any testing, etc alone- I've done enough alone this year.

Something Else to Worry About

The IUI itself went really well. I was actually feeling much more optomitstic on my way to the clinic. I'd been feeling O pangs earlier in the morning, so it seemed like the timing would work out. I reminded myself that when I did get PG last year I O'd on my right (I can get really strong mittelschmerz, in fact I was awoken out of a deep sleep that morning last year). Also, this is the first cycle after the HSG, maybe that helped clear the way a little, who knows! Unfortunately, out of the 85 million sperm that survived the thaw, only 3 million made it through inspection and wash. Could have been worse, could have had nothing after the thaw. How's that for positive? 

Afterwards, I came home, laid down for good measure then headed to my massage appointment. I scheduled this massage because the other day my back started bothering me when I raised my arm. I got to my appointment, started the massage, found out a rib might be popped out of place, and a few minutes later I get asked:

"What's this lump by your spine?" 

My heart stopped. "It's not a knot?"

"Uhhhh, no. Did you know it was here?

"Umm, no."

"Well... it's probably nothing, a fatty tumor maybe. Though, I'd have your doctor check it."

"Umm, okay."

In an instant my sunny outlook has been replaced by spinal cancer and chemo. I am a hypochondriac- you say lump, I think cancer. So, now I get to wait for my docs office to call back to have this lovely lump looked at. Like I needed something else to worry about...

Not Surprised

Only one dominate follicle... and it is in my right ovary... the blocked side. 

I am so frustrated, but not surprised because this is just the sort of thing my body would do: Oh, feeling optimistic are we? Well, I can fix that *Zap* 

The follicle is a great size @ 22.5mm and my lining looks really good with a triple stripe. None of this makes me feel better. Dr. C said to go ahead with the IUI since it is not impossible that I get pregnant (though not probable), and since we're moving in Sept we might as well use the frozen sperm- why the hell not. I got a shot of Ovidrel today and the IUI will be Thursday. On the very off chance I do get pregnant, knowing my luck it would be ectopic and not only would I lose another baby, but probably a tube as well. I am so pissed at my body right now. I realize other people have had/are dealing with much bigger roadblocks, but I can't help feeling so mad I could scream about this. 

On a different, brighter note, we found out today that close family friends, D & M,  are expecting their first baby around Christmas. I am very happy for them, but I'm also... you know. 

So, it's time for an updated "Pregnant Friend Count"

1. Work friend A due with baby #2: Jul 3rd ... any day now!
2. Cousin J due with baby #2: Aug 5th
3. Cousin K due with baby #1: Aug 21st
4. Close work friend E due with baby #1: Sep 15th
5. Sister-in-law L due with baby #2: Sep 21st
6. Family friend D due with baby #1: Dec 25th
7. Sister-in-law S due with baby #1: Jan 17th

1st Follie Scan - CD12

I had my u/s yesterday to check-out follicle number & size. Nothing too exciting. There are only 2 follicles both measuring 10mm. One on the left and one on the right. I didn't catch what my lining was- I heard a "7" mumbled, but I can't be sure. So, I'm going back Tuesday for another check. Hopefully another one will pop up on the left so that there might actually be chance with this IUI. Hmmph, more waiting.

Anyhoo, Happy 4th of July!