What the ...?

My hCG yesterday was 5. Still, the hpt I took yesterday was positive and more obvious then the one from the day before, but still ridiculously light- and I had started my period. I'd blame it on that batch of tests, but I used tests from different batches. I've taken enough tests over the last 4 years to know the difference between one line and two lines. I have a follow-up beta tomorrow just to be sure there isn't an ectopic forming.

Since my last hCG quant in April was 3, I'm thinking maybe this was a chemical pregnancy? And it takes longer for urine to filter out the hCG than blood? A non-pregnant women doesn't produce hCG, unless she has certain cancers... awesome bit of information for a hypochondriac like me.

The Fairest and Faintest BFP of Them All...

Yup, it's there- I think. A second line so faint I'm half convinced I'm seeing things (hysterical pregnancy maybe?). Not an encouraging sight considering it is much lighter than the line I had with the ectopic this Spring. At 14DPO I should have a much stronger positive. I do not have a good feeling about this.

We also just moved back to my hometown and are in the middle of changing insurance plans and finding docs- prefect timing to need a STAT beta! Luckily, I called the office I used to go to here and a nurse called me right back. After listening to my recent history she ordered a blood draw, which I'll get done when the lab opens in the morning- and which I'll probably be paying out of pocket for. Though I really don't care about the cost. I just need to know where we are at, and think positive, doubling thoughts over the next few days... I kind of hope I'm crazy, and they'll laugh me and my made-up HPT out of the office :)

The Two Week Wait

Ahhh, the 2ww. Such good times! Since I am an overeager tester, I'm sure I'll only make it about 10 days :)

I had so strongly convinced myself that I was pg last month I was actually hoping it wasn't true since I now fear another ectopic. Sounds ridiculous- not the fear part, I think that's pretty normal. I mean the crazy "you're pregnant," "but, no wait I'm scared and I don't want to be" thoughts. It was an interesting inner struggle.

The hypochondriac side of my brain thinks that maybe the ectopic happened for a reason, because there is something bigger and scarier going on with my health that has yet to be discovered. Yes, I'm a nutcase; I completely cop to that fact. The more rational side of my brain knows that the endo caused the ectopic, and that's it. The problem with this rationale is that my instincts are usually right, about 50% of the time :) So, I'm waiting on more than a BFP. I'm waiting to see if the strange pangs, tingles, lumps and bumps I experience throughout my body are a sign of something even bigger to overcome.  Knowing my luck so far, we'll get pg just to find out it needs to be terminated since I'll need chemo or something.

Oh, how I wish I was naturally one of those positive, happy people. Life from that angle must be so nice...